The Grass is Always Greener

We all know the saying "The Grass is always greener on the other side", right?  Is it though? It is an easy thing to say when we are not happy with our current situation.  As I have mentioned before, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and we believe in the different roles of men and women.  Each has their specific and Divine role in the family.  There is a reason women bear children and men don't.  As a mom I have had the yearning to be near my children as much as possible.  I want to raise them and be there for them.  My husband yearns to support our family financially.  Although we believe in moms having a more nurturing role in the home with children and dads having a more temporal providing role in the family, we also know that this is not always reality. The church is very supportive of the many different circumstances that are out there and they also support the desires and ambitions that people have individually.  I have never felt an expectation to give up my dreams, goals, or career to be a stay-at-home Mother.  Everyone in our religion is instructed to get an education for many reasons, but one is to be prepared for anything, so the family can remain self reliant.

I am a part time stay-at-home mom and my husband is, as he would say, a part time SAHD (stay-at-home dad).  He says that because in part he is sad, but grateful for the opportunity to be with his kids.  He does testify "I could not do what my mother did, there is a reason moms stay at home, they are by nature, better at nurturing."  This is true.  Another very evident truth: parenting is HARD, no matter who you are or what your role is in the family!

I have asked at times, metaphorically, why have we been dealt this hand of cards?  My husband has a degree, but has had no luck really finding a job where he can apply his skill set, for a decent wage.  I had a great job before we married.  I have, in the past, convinced myself that the grass is greener on the other side.  The otherside of being a career woman, that is.  I think I have always wanted to be a mother, a stay-at-home one.  My sister always wanted the big career and I think she would have been great at a career and supporting her family, but she ended up being a full time mom.  I wanted to be the full time mom. I always asked WHY??? I have found over the years that God knows me better than I do and He has given us what we need and we are learning what we need to learn.  Life is not meant to move along smooth sailing in the ideal situation all of the time!  We grow the most when we face challenges and we do hard things!

I have learned a lot about the "other side" while being a working parent.  I call home to find my husband has lost years off his life over one diaper change.  Yes, those were his exact words "years off my life"!  When the baby has the grossed, messiest, stinkiest diaper ever and while  trying to hold the baby's legs up and get the wipes out the 2 year old starts reaching for the open hot mess!  Everything is now in slow motion as you scream "AAHHH Noooooo" all the while you try somehow to stop this from turning into a monumental disaster!  Yeah, you've been there before, if you have kids!  I'm starting to think the only thing greener about the other side is what's in that diaper!! EW, YUCK!

My sister warned, "I never used swear words until I had kids".  Yes this is also true.  I hate swearing, but I have said a few since having kids.  A lot of people will tell you, "I let it slip. Oops, it just slip out."  Oh no, If I say a swear word it is absolutely 100% on purpose.  I mean business and its the last straw.  I can't do anything else, that's it, a last resort!  I can say, I have still never heard a swear word uttered on my husband's lips.  He is a better person than I.  He claims he has said a few, but not when I'm around!

Then there are the calls home where things are chaos, yelling and my husband is on his hands and knees begging them to just SPEAK ENGLISH because he can't understand what they want!  There are the calls that are quiet and solemn, that means my husband is in repentant mode and he confesses his sin.  It usually goes something like this, "If I died today, I would go to hell."HAHA! Now to put this into perspective, we don't spank our children, so it's not like he is doing anything too terrible.  In his eyes, he lost it and yelled too much, swore, and maybe let his anger get the best of him.  Just last week I got so mad that I threw my broom on the floor hard enough that it broke.  It took all of two days for me to get to that point.  Day after day of no listening to mom, doing the exact opposite of what I say, and mess after mess, after mess.  That's what kids can do to you sometimes, make you crazy.   We have all had bad days with our kids!

Who thought it was a good idea to make children's dishes in all different colors and sell them in multi colored packs?  They should be advertised as "starting family fights every meal time!  If you aren't stressed enough or on edge enough with your children, come on down and get pack of multi colored dishes! They make kids scream louder, cry harder and encourage defiance!"  Yes that is correct, one of the worst decisions I've made as a parent, buying all different colored dishes! "Oh these are cute and fun" I thought! Why can't they just be one color?  Having one color would solve some problems, but little kids can whine about anything, so there is always something!   Every meal time I have to consciously think about what color of plate each child might want, or I have to let them choose before we eat.  If I forget, and then refuse to let her change plates, OH BOY, Mom is in for it, it might possibly end in screaming and sending a child to their room and it could take over an hour to calm down and finally eat!  Its a little insane!  This exact situation happened one night and my daughter ended up in her room without her dinner.  My 2 year old boy quietly and promptly took his plate of dinner to her. On many occasions he pleads on her behalf regardless of how she treats him. These are the moments when I finally have confirmation that maybe, just maybe I have done something right!   It makes all the stress and fussing worth it! I think my little Myles just came programmed that way though.  He is just kindhearted and naturally thinks of others. It warms my heart to see and makes motherhood worth it when I know God sent that special spirit to ME! Myles often times helps balance us out, a peacemaker can do that.

The old words of wisdom from my mother ring true.  "I hope one day you get one that's just like you!"  Yes that is every parents' ode to future satisfaction!  I got one just like me, not only that, but she is like a mix of me and my sister, the perfect storm! I love her to death though and would never trade her in for anything!  I have apologized to my mother many times about my childhood defiance.  A child's actions are not ALWAYS a good representation of the parents.  Some kids are going to do their thing no matter what the parents do.  I don't think we should place the label of "bad mother" on anyone just because we see a child's terrible behavior on a few occasions.  Same goes for the flip side.  Some kids are just really easy to parent and we might think the parents are amazing when really the child is amazing!

It is easy for me to see how Moms can lose their minds, I totally understand women out there who feel anxious, depressed, stressed, or on the verge of breakdown.  I think there are times when we can all feel like we need to medicate in some way just to stay afloat. It is so easy for us to look at other moms and see only the best side of their family.  You know what I'm talking about, they always seem perfect, well put together, their kids are always clean and well behaved.  Chances are someone is probably looking at you and thinking, "How does she do it? She holds it together so well" while at the same time you are looking at someone else and thinking the same thing about them.  Then we compare ourselves and put ourselves down.  This is very unhealthy and I think this does result in many women breaking down and going on medications, whatever you do just make sure it is the best thing for you. In reality we are all in the same boat, pretty much! The most important thing you can do to keep your bearings is to remember YOURSELF.  You must do something for yourself sometimes.  I admit I self medicate, I prefer essential oils, shopping, my weighted blanket, tea and other herbs, exercise, the occasional sweet treat splurge, hallmark movies, the Great British Bake Off, Lush cosmetics, FabFitFun boxes and new dresses.  If there is a direct correlation between my self medicating and my closet, well it might look like I'm pretty bad off, haha!

Parenting isn't without its rewards, it can be the most satisfying thing you do in you entire life.  Just this week my daughter has made a valiant effort to sleep in her own bed by herself.  She has been sleeping anywhere, but her bed for almost 2 years.  She wants to be a big kid now.  I have been impressed, she always surprises me.  One thing that is constant is change.  I have learned that if my kids want to do something different that maybe I wouldn't want, like sleeping anywhere but their own room for 2 years,  to not make a big deal about it because eventually it will change. With some things, it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal, that goes for good and bad things.  At first I was worried and a lot of people told me I was starting bad habits, but its all about perspective.  I look forward to changes and growth in my children.  Every parent knows their kid better than anyone else so you will know what is best.  I have noticed my daughter has a very controlling personality and the more I let her choose in her life the better behaved she is.

What is a mother?  She's not just someone who watches after her kids she is also a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a doctor, a teacher, a therapist, a theologian, a seamstress, a cook, a maid, a laundress, a financial planner, a professional shopper, a family counselor, an interior decorator, a judge, an organizer, a gardener, a taxi driver, a cheerleader, a hairdresser, a fashion consultant, a historian, a secretary, a leader, a life coach and she is what she does according to her other jobs, and hobbies. She does not get a day off and sometimes she does not get paid very much.  She also gets stuck working some of the most horrible shifts, AND she rarely gets a private moment in the bathroom, let's be honest!  Mother's Day?! I think Mothers deserve at least a week!!  Mothers give life and make the world go round.  It is impossible without the fathers, of course, but the women are the catalyst!  Fathers and Mothers are at the heart of God's plan, it's no wonder they create life! 

I have thought a lot, and I mean A LOT about what my life would be like as a full time stay-at-home mom.  I do think I would get depressed and I'm not sure I could handle it long term.  I am a full time mom every other week and sometimes I find myself experiencing way more stress than I need, it is very hard.  I can honestly say I go to work to relax.  Medical Technician is much easier and less stressful than Motherhood.  By nature I am an introvert and a homebody.  If it wasn't for my job or church I would probably not get out much and meet new people.  I could see myself getting depressed from little adult interaction and very few friends.  I'm not sure full time stay-at-home mom is something I could handle.  I think my Heavenly Father has given me a tender mercy, it's a blessing in disguise and the best of both worlds.

Some of you full time mothers are probably thinking the grass is greener on the other side and life will be better once you can start working again.  Maybe that is true, but everything has opposition.  There are pros and cons to everything!  I have been in on some conversations where some profess that the career world is so amazing and life will be more fulfilling when they are part of it.  My personal feeling is that, this view is a little overrated.  It's not that amazing.  I see such a high turnover rate at my work in part because people think that very same thing about this job while they are in college and then they end up leaving searching for more and starting back at square one.  The truth about the career world is that it also has challenges.  I think the most important thing to know is that there is monotony in every job, so don't let that get you down.  You just have to find a good way to deal with it.  It is true that working a job can bring some extra fulfillment to life, but it might not be as much as you think.  Don't try to force a career in order to complete yourself, if it naturally does, then great, all the more reason to love it!  It is always easy to say the "grass is always greener", but much of the time once we get to the other side, it's not greener.  Once we get there and look back we finally notice how green it was where we started.

No matter what your family life situation is, look up and be grateful!  I am so grateful for my current situation.  I think some moms look at me and feel bad for me because I can't be a full time mom, and in the past there have been times where I have felt that way, bad for myself. I can't imagine my life without my family or my work family.  A couple of years ago one of my coworkers called me up randomly and asked if I would like to have mother's day off.  He said he would be more than happy to work for me so I could go to church and be with my family. Those are the kinds of people I get to work with.  The people I work with are the main reason I enjoy my job.  If you want both worlds it is possible, but it takes a lot of sacrifice and work.  I work 7 10 hour shifts in a row so I can stay home with my kids for 7 days in a row.  This also allows my husband to work multiple jobs that he enjoys and gives us both a chance to have quality time with the kids, without having to put them in daycare.  It also gives us a great schedule to trade off home schooling our children.  Since I have been placed smack dab in the middle of both of these worlds I have been able to look back at the shades of green on both plots of lawn.  I can see they are both bright, lush, and comfortable!  I truly love both sides and have been given a unique opportunity that I couldn't trade!

Happy Mother's day (WEEK) to all of you MOMS out there!  Thank you to all of you Moms!  You make the world a better place!  The most honorable, important and valiant job you can have is that of a Mother!

Empower yourself by giving a special thanks to your Mother and take a close look at the green grass in your world!  Be grateful for it!  There is nothing wrong with looking for greener grass, but don't forget to notice the green grass under your feet right now! 

Women Empower yourself by treating yourself in some way!