The Paths of Choice

I have recently been inspired to write about choices and perhaps why we make the choices that we do.  Often times I have pondered on why the same question can be prayed about by multiple people and each person can receive a different answer.  I do believe there are some things that are black and white, but there are many that are not.  Maybe it depends on our own personal beliefs, maybe our sincerity in asking and seeking the answer, or maybe it is our level of knowledge and understanding.  There is always a good, better and best option, but in order to choose the best option we must work our way up and gain more knowledge and perspective.  Heavenly Father is the master teacher and He does work in mysterious ways.  Sometimes we might think that the best option is obvious because we are following the council of the prophet or common practices in the church, but sometimes the best option is more complicated than that.  There is truth in the statement " we do not have to be commanded in all things", if we were it would hamper one of the most important facets of our lives, agency.  Not even God can take that away.  Sometimes the choices we are led to make take us down paths we never thought we would go or never thought would be possible for our good.

One of the main shifts at my work is 7 on 7 off, which means 7 ten hour shifts in a row and then 7 days off in a row.  When I first obtained my job 11 years ago I took a 7/7 shift and I was really nervous about working on Sunday.  I was raised with the practice of always keeping the Sabbath day holy which consists of not spending money on Sunday and not working or going out on Sunday.  I always enjoyed Sunday, it was a  different day, a day of worship, the Lord's day.  I never wanted to work on Sunday and with previous jobs I did the best I could to avoid working on Sunday.  I had heard stories of people having such faith that they would up and quit there job because the boss insisted they work on Sunday and they ended up being blessed for it.  Working on Sunday was/is considered a sin to many and not a big deal to others.  As I started this 7/7 schedule I worked late in the morning so I could still make it to an earlier morning meeting, which I did.  Eleven in the morning to nine thirty in the evening was not an ideal shift for me.  It was really hard, so when I had the opportunity I changed my hours to an earlier time.  Later I had the opportunity to take a 5/8 shift and had Sunday off for about 4 years.  I prayed very much over the matter and giving up the 7/7 was hard because on the 7 off week I would go home to see my family and friends, it was really great.  I really did not want to work Sunday and I even promised Heavenly Father that I would never work Sunday again.  When I did work Sunday I noticed some of my co workers that were members of my church previously and it was easy for me to tell that they fell away as soon as they started working Sunday, at least that was what I gathered from conversations.  They would talk about how awesome it was to work Sunday because it was such a great excuse to get out of going to church.

After my daughter was born my husband started working in the evening and stayed home with the
baby during the day.  It was working out okay with having just one child, but what about when we wanted more kids.  I also was looking for a change in jobs.  My job at that time was causing me a lot of pain in my hands and arms and I was really starting to struggle with it.  I started looking for other positions in the company and applying for jobs and interviewing.  I thought the interviews went well and I really thought I had a good chance of getting hired.  I prayed and felt really good about the jobs I had interviewed for.  As I was waiting to hear back on my interviews a job came available in the department I was currently in for a job that I never thought I wanted and I had no interest in for the 6 years that I worked there.  I knew I needed something different and I was starting to lose hope on getting the other jobs I had applied for, so I considered it.  I talked to my husband about it and he said he really did not want me to work on Sunday.  It was a 7/7 position.  I swore up and down that I would never work 7/7's again.  Never say Never, right?!?  Well as I prayed and seriously considered this opportunity that was the last opportunity I wanted to take, I felt so much peace and my husband told me to do it if I felt right about it.  Here's that word "never" again, I never thought I would feel good about it and I was starting to feel guilty.  During this time we had stake conference and it was all about keeping the Sabbath Day Holy.  How could I feel so at peace with this new job when I promised I would never work Sunday again and the coincidence of the topic of Stake Conference?  I was thinking maybe this was no coincidence and that Heavenly Father was trying to tell me not to work Sunday, but then I had such a peaceful feeling, I was conflicted.  I was also getting desperate, if I didn't change jobs soon I would be unable to do my job.  I called on one of my interviews to get an update and they had still not made a decision.  I decided to take the 7/7 position in my department.

I was able to adjust well and I loved the idea of being able to feel like a good mom for half the year.  This position gave me more opportunity than I ever imagined that it would and it gave more opportunity to my husband than he expected.  My husband was able to work more during my off weeks and satisfy his need to provide a little better.  I was able to be a stay-at-home mom every other week.  I love being with my kids.  So many people tell me "if you need a babysitter or need some time to yourself I will gladly take them", I say "no thanks" because I need more time with them not less.  I look forward to switching gears every week from work to home and home to work.  It is true that by the time the off week is over I am ready to go back to work much of the time.  I have discovered that this schedule is really what is best for my mental health.  Instead of the burden and stress of working every week or the burden and stress of being at home with kids every week, my life is more balanced, it's the best of both worlds.  I'd like to think that I would choose to stay home if I had the opportunity, but honestly I don't know if I could do it, I might have a mental break down or develop depression.  It does break my heart to hear my kids beg me every week to not go to work and they hate it when I have to go back to work.  It's good for them to spend time alone with their dad too.  My husband has the opportunity to take care of them every other week which is a unique opportunity for him.  It is hard for him though, it is hard for anyone to be a stay-at-home parent.  The hardest job in the world by far is to be a stay-at-home parent.  It requires complete selflessness, and patients and so much more.  It will drive you to your wits end, literally.  I go to work to relax, seriously!

The other very important part of this new job was working on Sunday.  It opened up so much more opportunity that I did not expect.  It forced me to try harder to live the gospel that I so love.  I started by leaving work on my lunch and attending a random sacrament meeting for 30 minutes, just enough time to take the sacrament.  I met some other girls from my work that went at the same time and the same ward that I did, it was interesting and nice to know I wasn't the only one making the effort.  As work flow changed at my work, Sunday became the busiest day of the week and I was unable to keep up the habit.  I started wearing a dress every Sunday which sometimes made for a good conversation starter.  It's also not easy to wear a dress when working in a lab since every part of me has to be covered and I have to wear proper shoes and the dress also can't get in the way.  It's worth it because it keeps me in the right mindset and is a helpful reminder that the day is different.  Many Sundays I found myself in deep conversation with co workers about my religion and their beliefs.  One day I realized that maybe Heavenly Father wanted me to be there to merely talk about religion and to learn about others' beliefs.  I have had many great discussions about religious freedom and I have gained great understanding and respect for others' beliefs and others have gained the same for me.  I can't say that I have converted anyone, but perhaps have given others more understanding or truth about my faith and made them think about God and Christ and other religious practices.  Work served as the backdrop for discovering common ground and having enjoyable discussions about all of the beliefs present, kind of like our own Sunday School.  I have gained valuable strength from co workers that are of my faith in discussion about our faith at work. Sunday at work became like my own little opportunity to teach about my faith, which is something I have never thought I was good at.  I have had many very spiritual experiences in doing that.  I have often found myself listening to talks from the leaders of my church and listening to scriptures.  Many times I have felt the spirit more at work than I have felt at church which is something I never thought would happen.  Some of my most spiritual experiences have been while at work.  I still miss going to church every Sunday, but I believed then and still believe now that this schedule has been the best thing for me and my family.  So, is it sinful to work on Sunday?  I would have to say no, but it all depends on one's own efforts.  Can working on Sunday draw you away from your religion, absolutely, but it really comes down to your own efforts and desires.

This schedule has allowed us the opportunity to homeschool which is another thing I never thought I would do.  We simply made the decision based on our own experiences, research and personal belief that it is best for our family and yes, I did pray about it.  When people ask me why?  I say why not!  When people ask me about it and say "don't tell me you prayed about it and were told to do it", I think, not say, "did you pray about sending your kids to public school and why can't I say that?"  Interesting.  It's okay if you prayed and felt this school or that school was best.  By making my choice I am not trying to challenge you in any way, it is just a choice.  My choice should have nothing to do with your choice.  My choice does not make me better than you, it's just mine and your choice is yours, we don't have to be enemies.  I had similar experiences when I chose to do Hypnobabies for child birth rather than epidurals, and I chose a birthing center rather than a hospital.  People thought I was crazy and always asked "Why?"  Well why did you decide to have an epidural instead of some other option?  Again, interesting.  By making my choice I am not trying to insult anyone.  I have no regrets about doing what I did, but in the midst of doing what I did I learned more about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Self hypnosis was an amazing spiritual experience that I did not expect.  I have noticed a pattern in my life.  When I go against the grain and make these very hard decisions that I never dreamed of making I find that I learn more about life, love, faith, God, and gain a greater perspective in my life.  It's not that I want to choose the hard road on everything, but somehow I have been led to make these choices through research, prayer, personal belief, and personal experience and I have only grown to know that they have been the best option for me in my life.

It seems to surprise people to find out that my husband was taking care of his grandmother when I met him and he was studying to go to nursing school.  I'm not sure why that is so surprising to some, but it is.  He was taking his grandma to dialysis treatments and making friends with other patients while there.  He woke up every night to the sound of the bell his grandmother rang when she needed assistance to use the bathroom.  All the while he worked and was going to school.  After his grandmother died he joked that his grandmother would haunt him at night with the ringing of the bell, haha!  Why did I fall in love with him?  He was always so friendly, kind and compassionate.  He made friends easily and always wanted to help people.  He is very political and cares very much about loving his neighbor, perpetuating the idea of freedom, and living principles of freedom.  He did not go to nursing school because he had some trouble with a biology class and after learning about nutrition, he could not picture himself giving people their drugs, or treating people with drugs all day.  It's kind of a shame because I think he would have been a fantastic nurse.  He truly uses all of his talents to help people .  Many of our dates during courtship consisted of helping or visiting friends that he thought needed it.  He was always writing me funny creative poems.  I told him one of his career aspirations should be to write cards for Hallmark! 

He is different than most and I have met very few people like him.  He has the courage to call prisons every week and give a spiritual message to the wardens to encourage them to treat the prisoners like humans.  He learns about the lives of many prisoners and talks to them on the phone or goes to visit them if possible .  He has given many Books of Mormon to prisoners.  He calls local church leaders in the areas of the prisons to make sure church services are provided for them.  He truly cares about everyone.  Why does he do this?  It's not because it's a nice fun hobby, it's very taxing and hard, but he prays more than anyone I know and knows the scriptures better than anyone I know.  He truly feels drawn to these tasks because it's the right thing to do.  Shortly after we married I met him at one of the city hall buildings after a town hall meeting, or something like that, I can't remember exactly what it was.  He was in the parking lot waiting for me and talking to one of the council members or representatives about the politics.  When I approached, the councilman looked at me and said to me "you are his wife?  How on earth did you end up with him?"  He was practically laughing at my husband and he was honestly in disbelief that this supposed wacko, in his opinion, could have such a decent looking wife or even be married.  The guy truly was a slime ball.  He even looked it from head to toe.  I think I said something to the affect of "well, I guess great minds think alike!"  What I really wanted to say was "So, what is it that your wife sees in you cause I'm a little lost on that one, oh wait let me guess you have money? Oh wait don't tell me, you're divorced, right?"  You know how all the best come backs come after the fact? Yeah, its either that or you really don't want to sink down to their level even though part of you would get such great satisfaction in doing so!  Well, I know not everyone can know my husband in the way that I do, but many are extremely judgmental and harsh.

When we were dating, we were at a party and my husband was talking politics with someone and there was a group of 2 or 3 other women across the yard that were observing and listening.  I was just sitting by myself also observing and I saw and heard the women off to my right shaking their heads at my husband and saying "poor girl, I feel bad for her, what has she gotten herself into".  It made me so mad!  It was not like he was fighting with anyone they were just sharing opinions and he had not been anything but nice to everyone there.  I remember taking a walk with him shortly after that and telling him about it and telling him how I felt so mad.  I told him that I didn't need any sympathy and that I made my choice about him.  I loved him for who he was.  It was that weekend that he discovered he loved me too.  Right before we left to go home he told me he loved me.  When I stood up for him, even if it was only in my head, he knew he loved me.  After we married we were very good friends with the girl who had made the "poor girl" comment, so don't worry, we are good.

The night my son was born my husband went to get something to eat and it was late at night probably 10pm.  After I was all settled and okay he left in search of food.  On State street he found a homeless man trying to make his way to a friend's house on the east side of the valley.  It was a really windy night and all of his stuff somehow got scattered all over the area.  My husband went back to our apartment and picked up his truck.  He went back to state street and loaded up his stuff and took him to his destination.  He called me and asked me if I was okay if he was gone a little longer so he could help this man.  Of all the nights and times.  He had a great excuse to dismiss the man's need, he had a wife and new baby in the hospital and he was tired and hungry, but he put aside his needs for a few hours to be selfless.  This is why I love my husband.

When discussing the many activities that my husband is involved in with people that I know there have been many times when the same question is asked of me. "Why do you LET HIM do that?" This has always been a troubling question to me.  The "let him" has always bothered me.  I think " oh, I didn't know that when he married me he handed over his agency to me, I don't let him do or not do anything!"  It is a challenge, we have had many discussions about how our choices might affect one another and our children.  I don't always agree with the way he expresses himself at times.  Our marriage is not perfect and we argue on occasion and we disagree on many things, but who am I to stop him from doing good in his own way?  Who am I to stop him from following his own path of choice and stop him from being an instrument in God's hands even if it's not always convenient for me?  Sometimes it feels like we are on totally different paths, but at the end of the day we are still there for each other.  I tell people that I have to let him be who he is.

Conclusion, our choices are ours to make and no one else's.  We are generally not trying to offend or challenge others by making the choices that we make.  We are all trying to do what is best for us whether we include God in the process or not.  If we are seeking divine guidance in making decisions and we present our choices to God with a sincere heart and righteous desire, chances are He will help us make the choice that is the best for us.  Does this produce a right person and a wrong person when multiple people ask the same question, but make different choices in the end?  No, because we are all different and have different needs and different strengths and weaknesses.  We all have different things we need to learn and only God knows the best path that will help us learn what we need to.   It's important to remember that there are usually different paths to the same destination.  By choosing different paths does not mean we won't end up at the same place in the end, hopefully we will.  By choosing my job I have learned a lot about what it means to live my religion and the value of discussing my faith and beliefs with others of my faith and not of my faith. I have also learned about what really is best for me and my family and the importance of balance in my life.  By choosing homeschool I am learning about my kids, myself, developing talents, and continually seeking Divine help for my family.  By choosing my husband I have learned what acceptance really means and have had the opportunity to witness a great disciple of Christ.  I see a Christlike example everyday in my husband and he always inspires me to expand my knowledge and be a better person.

No matter what the choice I hope you can have the conviction to move forward knowing that it is right for you.  Just remember that God is the master teacher and He knows how best to teach every individual!