While relaying to a friend the Mickey Mouse Christmas special, Duck The Halls, from a few years ago that aired on Disney Plus, something looked familiar about it as we looked at the pictures from the episode online, by the time you are done reading this, I think you will understand. In this episode Mickey mouse is telling Donald Duck about all the wonderful things he does at Christmas. Mickey invites him to stay for Christmas, but Donald is a duck and is supposed to travel south for the winter with Daisy, Scrooge, and Huey, Dewy, and Louie. Well, Mickey makes Christmas sound soooo good that Donald just can't help himself! He escapes the car he and Daisy are driving south and runs back to Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy. Mickey and Donald are so excited to complete the Christmas bucket list! As they complete this bucket list.......ice skating.....building a snowman.....cutting a tree and decorating it, etc....Donald starts to get really sick, in fact he starts falling apart....loses his feathers, there is even a scene where he is gluing his beak back onto his face. He eventually loses his mind and goes completely crazy. Oh the things we do to have a great Christmas.......at ANY cost, even if we don't really enjoy it, haha!
I was reminded of a trip to my local grocery store last week. Now we've all been to the store and thought "oh, self checkout, what a great idea, it will be so much faster".................I had this very thought as I walked in great pain through the store with my 2 kids, 7yrs and 4yrs, suffering from the gift that mother nature delivers every month. I had a headache, cramps all the way into my thighs, I can barely walk and of course I'm carrying on an argument about who knows what with my very grumpy, irrational 7 year old. So, we make it to self checkout.........."Oh the things we do to get out of the store more quickly........it really doesn't get you out faster, it's nothing more than an illusion!"
Now I've learned that there is no other machine on the planet that can strip away your dignity, humble you, make you feel like your IQ is exponentially decreasing, by the minute, all in less than 10 minutes. In my opinion every high school student, college student, boot camper, and marine should have to pass the test of going through a self checkout, at Costco or Walmart, with a Lucy and a Myles without completely losing their mind!
"PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA........DO YOU WANT TO BAG THE ITEM?..........UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA............REMOVE THE ITEM FROM THE BAGGING AREA!!!" This repeats constantly as my kids sit in the bagging area, throw packs of gum onto the belt, and remove items I have scanned. "Mom I want my toy", "mom can I get some gum?" Right about now I'm having the self control discussion with my daughter and listing off all the places where gum does not belong, but we always find it! "PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA...........PLACE ITEM ON SCALE OR LOOK UP ITEM........PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA...........ATTENDANT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED!".............RED FLASHING LIGHTS! " ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" Now we are arguing over gum and my son is crying for his toy! "PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.........DO YOU WANT TO BAG THE ITEM?..........UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!" I'm about to lose it! Oh my goodness! "LET'S JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" That's right! When the moment calls for it, a little Marie Petty comes out of me, it's like I swallowed Grandma! I love Grandma, she's always there when I need her, I'm glad I have a little mini Marie inside! As I just about throw everything in the cart and run for the door pushing the cart like Cruella DeVil I want to stop and tell the self check out attendant "you're welcome......you know for the free show........the scene.......the comedy........free of charge!" In the car I just start laughing because I think about what that must have looked like! Yeah, I saw the attendant looking at us, watching us ......at one point I was wondering what she must have been thinking........."This job is the best birth control. ........I'm never going to be a mom like that...........that lady is crazy!" If you have ever seen me at the store and witnessed this I'm either sorry or I'll say "your welcome", however you want to look at it!
The other morning I woke up at 3:30 am and could not go back to sleep. For some reason that experience stuck in my mind and would not leave. I was lying in bed just laughing about my true feelings for self checkout. I pondered on the other trips I've had to Walmart and Costco. They pretty much go the same way as above, but sometimes they are worse. I had the privilege of using the brand-spanking new self checkout machines at Costco a few months ago. Of course, I thought it would be faster, boy was I wrong. I had quite a few items and every little thing triggered the "smartness" of the machine. If you so much as waved your hand over the bagging area it was talking at you......."UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.........REMOVE THE ITEM FROM BAGGING AREA!" I started to wonder if I was the smart one or the dumb one, I'm still not sure. My kids were of course grabbing items off of the bagging area, and wow, just WOW, that's a big NO, NO! The bagging area at Costco is bigger than average because it's Costco, but IT IS COSTCO, I mean it needs to be gigantic because you can't move a single item or else it will freak out. "UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA...........UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA........REMOVE ITEM FROM THE BAGGING AREA............ATTENDANT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED!" RED LIGHTS FLASHING! I think, "Notified of what? My stupidity or yours, you stupid machine! Damn it!!!!" I want to just kick it! So, yes I'm the crazy lady in self checkout yelling and swearing at the self checkout machine!
Does that voice get to anyone else? I always thought it was kind of condescending, maybe it's just the robotic tone. You know, everyone loves Alexa, Alexa is nice, she actually serves you. You can order her around and boss her all you want and she still does what you say.......I mean, maybe she's purposely giving you a false sense of dominance as she spies and records everything that goes on in your house, haha..........but at least she's nice. The self check out machines just treat you like you're stupid right off the bat, or there is the theory that they are just POSSESSED! As I stand there going blue in face trying to make my kids understand they can't touch ANYTHING............ IT'S LIKE A CRIME SCENE. I half expect to see the police show up at any moment! I also start to wonder if this thing is going to self destruct! I keep waiting to hear "machine will self destruct in 10---9---8---7---6---5---4---3---2---1!" "Oh please!!! YES, blow up baby!" Before I know it, I'm just standing there going off into fantasy land in my head with my eye probably twitching out of control, fantasizing; "how many ways are there to blow this thing up? That would be awesome and oh so satisfying!" I'm secretly hoping it will just self destruct right there, though. I come to and wonder "is the food really worth all of this?" I'm still not sure! I'm seriously tempted to just Abandon Cart, Abort MISSION, SURRENDER, and run for the door! The whole picture must have been entertaining because the attendant did not come to my rescue for a bit. He came over and changed some setting on the supposed smart machine so it would bypass the bagging area and you could just use the hand held scanner to scan and leave things on the cart. He said "yeah these things can be a little touchy"........."ya think?".......as my eye is still twitching! I think "oh gee thanks, why did it take you so long to show me that? Are you some sick individual that takes pleasure in watching people lose their minds?"
As Donald Duck claims to love Christmas in his degraded mental state, I too, claim to LOVE SELF CHECKOUT, but in a degraded mental state! The whole point behind the weight sensitive bagging area is to keep track of your items because you are too big of an idiot to look at the screen and know what you've scanned. They literally have made being a cashier look like rocket science! If it is truly that, then just pay them what they're worth, for heaven's sake! The argument that they don't want you to steal anything is idiotic in itself......you know how many times I've gotten away with an item that one of my kids was sitting on? I will admit, I've never been more tempted to turn to the dark side than when I have had to deal with the condescending, smart or stupid (you decide), overly sensitive self-checker-outer! So, why do you think they call it "self checkout"? I don't know, but my theory is that it has something to do with making YOU feel stupid. There is no one to blame but yourself.
Just a few weeks ago, at Walmart, I bought a stuffed animal for my daughter, after getting home I looked at the receipt and could not find the stuffed animal listed, but I did find a paw patrol shirt for $4.95 that I did not buy. So I look at the tag on the stuffed animal and notice a sticker for a paw patrol shirt. A few days later I go back to Walmart and I have quite a few items, 2 of which are lithium battery lamps, you know to satisfy that little prepper lurking inside me, I purposely wait in line for a cashier because I'm not going to drive myself to the brink of insanity today. Well, when I get home I discover that the cashier scanned one of my lamps twice. I had a $15 smaller one and a $30 larger one. The $15 one was scanned twice, so instead of going back to Walmart to straighten out all of the mistakes, I figured I would just call it even. I think that's fair considering they will soon only be self checkout and I will have to lose my mind every time I go there! Let's turn the tables......why can't there be some kind of alarm button we can push when our receipt doesn't add up, or some kind of bell we can ring when they bag something wrong, haha! When WE notice a mistake, WE are banished to the land of customer service where you never know what kind of SERVICE you will get, aka the land of "I don't Care!" Does anyone ever feel like customer service at Walmart ever really cares? It's like they are there to look at their phones all day and you are the idiot who is responsible for disrupting their day! Sorry if you work in customer service at Walmart, this has just been my experience! There is no embarrassment for the ones who made the mistake! In case you didn't know yet, all those mistakes are your fault too! In the land of customer service you are usually made to feel more stupid........!
So, the familiar Donald.......It's like looking in a mirror! Yes this is me when I'm done with self checkout! When I get home I just want a hot bath, my cup of chocolate chips and the TV. Since I don't drink, chocolate is the drug of choice! As I sit there drinking my chocolate chips hoping to find something on the TV that will help me forget what just happened in the last hour, I really do wonder if I am going crazy...................If I were to go to hell it might include going back and forth between working at Convergys and going to self check out repeatedly with one argumentative child who thinks she's an adult, but lacks knowledge, experience, and understanding and another ornery, whiney child all while menstrual!
Now on a more serious note.........In the end Donald is saved by his friends. They get him down south with the help of Santa, of course. Santa always makes everything better. So if you're someone that has experienced the feeling of going crazy, let me be your Santa! I'm here to tell you that you are not alone! These feelings are okay and I think we all experience these feelings sometimes! I don't care how perfect your life looks on social media, I know better. I look pretty good on social media most of the time, but on the inside and in reality there are hard times, battles, and even demons. I'm here to remind you that maybe it's time for a different kind of self checkout. What do I mean?.........Make sure to take more selfies?...........look at yourself in the mirror more?........yeah check yourself out! No, not exactly...........No one is perfect! If there is something in life that makes you crazy like self checkout does for me, then we know we can't change it, like many things in life, but we have to remedy it. I have become and am even known for being this self care queen among my family and friends. Self care is important! I mean if you need a therapist, or someone to talk to, or some way to vent, by all means do that, I think all of us could benefit from some therapy. There are also just little things you can do for yourself that help so much and make all the difference!
I find that I usually value and NEED some alone time everyday. I try to avoid self check out even if
that means I have to wait longer. I have become a fan of curbside pickup, recently! I really like hot showers, I enjoy time at the pool, I love self care items like soaps, lotions, essential oils, and chocolate! Playing the piano also helps me to relax and relieve the stresses of the day. I like watching TV and movies! If you are a mom whose afraid to buy something for yourself, just do it, find some way to treat yourself! It's worth it and it's important! I think too often we think that we cannot spend money or time on ourselves because we don't deserve it or we are worried about bills, or saving money, or meeting everyone else's needs before our own. Well you do deserve it! Focus on positive self talk and not negative! I have learned that if you don't meet at least some of your needs first you will fail in meeting the needs of those around you. Here is your friendly reminder to take care of yourself and do what is best for you more often!
Sometimes serving others can be hard, but sometimes that is just the thing that alleviates our own stress. In Duck the Halls Santa lost his reindeer and his sleigh, but it was used to save Donald and that was worth it! Sometimes serving requires sacrifice, but if you can alleviate someone else's stress while helping yourself at the same time, then perhaps it's worth it! Let this also be your pre-holiday reminder to NOT place too much emphasis on things that don't matter. Don't kill yourself this holiday season in order to have the best time of your life........you will probably look and feel like poor Donald! So.....in the famous words of this blog........EMPOWER YOURSELF TO LOVE YOURSELF! Do that first and you will be able to love others better!
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