To The Fathers

 

"A father is a thing that is forced to endure childbirth, without an anesthetic.

A father is a thing that growls when it feels good–and laughs loud when it’s scared half to death.

A father never feels entirely worthy of worship in his child’s eyes. He never is quite the hero his daughter thinks, never quite the man his son believes him to be. This worries him, sometimes, so he works too hard to try and smooth the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him.

A father is a thing that gets very angry when school grades aren’t as good as he thinks they should be. He scolds his son although he knows it’s the teacher’s fault.

Fathers grow old faster than other people.

And while mothers can cry where it shows, fathers stand there and beam outside–and die inside. Fathers have very stout hearts, so they have to be broken sometimes or no one would know what is inside. Fathers give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than anybody’s. Fathers fight dragons almost daily. They hurry away from the breakfast table, off to the arena which is sometimes called an office or a workshop…where they tackle the dragon with three heads: Weariness, Work and Monotony.

Knights in shining armor.

Fathers make bets with insurance companies about who will live the longest. Though they know the odds, they keep right on betting. Even as the odds get higher and higher, they keep right on betting more and more.

And one day they lose.

But fathers enjoy an earthly immortality and the bet is paid off to the part of him he leaves behind.

I don’t know where fathers go when they die. But I have an idea that after a good rest, he won’t be happy unless there is work to do. He won’t just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he’s loved and the children she bore. He’ll be busy there, too…oiling the gates, smoothing the way."

-Paul Harvey

"And God looked down on all He had made and said, 'Now, I need a caretaker.'

So, God made a father.

God said, 'I need someone to take children fishing and play catch in the backyard. It must be someone who is tough enough to run a chainsaw and wield a machete and yet, gentle enough to join his little girl and her dolls for tea.'

'I need someone to bring the car around when it’s raining, so everyone else can stay dry. Someone who will keep jumper cables in his truck, just in case he needs to help a stranger. I need someone to notice practical things, like how the tread on the tires is wearing and if the weather stripping around the front door needs replacing, for no one else will.'

'Yes, he will struggle to find his socks and keys. But I’ll help him find time for the important things, like tumbling with the kids in the den floor, or saying ‘I’m proud of you, son,’ or giving Mama a hug.'

So God made a father.

God thought, 'I need someone to provide for the family. Someone who will get up early and stay up late and never complain. I need someone who’s willing to make unpopular decisions and stand by them. Someone to provide authority and discipline, as well as love.'

'I need someone who listens more than he talks. Who will stand by his family through laughter and tears, tornadoes and snowstorms, good times and bad. Someone who will love his kids and love their mother even more.'

'I need someone who is willing to carve the Thanksgiving turkey, for no one else seems to want the job.'

'I’ll make someone who’s not afraid to go into Grandma’s dark cellar, or to check on what goes bump in the night, or to remove the dead mouse from the mousetrap. Someone who will yank a child back from the path of a speeding car and who will keep a wary eye on strangers.'

'I’ll give him broad shoulders, broad enough to carry a little child around town and broad enough to pull more than his fair share.'

So God made a father.

God said, 'I need someone who’s strong enough to open a tightly sealed jelly jar and someone who’s tall enough to place the angel on top of the Christmas tree. And yet, I need someone who is gracious enough to let his son fish the best fishing hole or to let his daughter win at least one hand of gin rummy.'

'Yes, I need someone who is willing to work the second-shift, or take second-best, or play second fiddle, so that his family can have it better than he did.'

'I need someone who’s willing . . . willing to man up and provide the love, support and strength his family will so desperately need.'

So, God made a father.

He is the first hero a little child will ever know.

His influence lasts much longer than his life.

The Lord created fathers to be a living, breathing display of who He is: a protector, a provider and a leader. And while some earthly fathers fail, many strive to live out God’s plan for fatherhood, even though it’s a pretty tall order."

 -May Patterson- inspired by Paul Harvey's So God Made A Farmer

As you can see, I have been inspired to write a little bit about fathers this month.  As society degrades, it seems that fathers are not as valued.  As morals digress, it seems that fathers don't appear to hold much of a place in our lives anymore, at least that's what a large part of society would have you believe.  Fathers are important, and yes, masculinity is important.  I challenge you to take the time to remember what your father taught you.  If you had no father, then what did other father figures in your life teach you?  Was it important?  Was it useful?  Could you live without it?  What would your life be like if these things were absent?

What did I learn from my father?  Well, the short answer is how to work hard, and how to think.  After thinking about it on a deeper level, there is more to it.  My father did not talk a lot to me when I was a kid.  It was usually on camping trips, biking trips, boating trips, or hiking that he came out of his shell a little more.  Whenever I think of these activities, I think of my dad, I think of getting to know him on a more personal level, and I think about my faith.  It was usually during these activities that he shared his testimony of God and Jesus Christ.  We didn't really read scriptures as a family or pray a lot as a family outside of meals, but out in the wilderness, that was a different story.  

I learned how to work hard from both of my parents, but growing up in a 100 year old pioneer house made life different.  As a kid I used to curse it sometimes, complain or feel very deprived, but now looking back, I appreciate the fact that I lived a life none of my friends did.  Because my father did not see new appliances as necessary, I grew up hanging clothes outside on the line to dry, taking my turn to do dishes, by hand, at least 2 nights a week, and learning ingenuity during hot summers to keep the house cool, since we did not have any kind of AC or swamp cooler. Hanging the wet clothes around the house and turning on a fan became popular.  Going to bed with a wet frozen dish towel during the summer also helped.  It's too bad the clothes didn't freeze on the line during the summer like they did during the winter.  Yes, the wet clothes ended up in the house during the winter too, much of the time.  

I grew up dreaming about dishwashers, dryers, and heating and cooling units.  Those were luxury items I thought you had to be rich to have.   As you can see, I thought we were poor!  Well, we weren't poor, not really poor.  To make matters worse, we had to chop and haul wood all summer to burn during the winter in order to stay warm.  We only had a wood burning stove in our house as the main source of warmth.  We had electrical base board heaters that were probably from the 60's or 70's, but it was too costly to use them.  Yes, my father was a bit of a miser.  Oh and yes I grew up in 1990's, not 1890's, if you were wondering.

So, now as a mother, when I hear my kids complain about unloading or loading the dishwasher, rinsing dishes, moving wet clothes into a dryer, I can tell them my story and that their situation could be worse.  I tell them how lucky they are to not have to haul wood in the summer, or wash dishes by hand or hang clothes outside on a line.  When my husband complains of a high gas bill or electric bill due to the furnace or AC, I can tell him that it's only money and that we should be grateful we can live comfortably without having to squeeze wood hauling into the already busy schedule.  I can honestly say that I'm giving my kids more luxuries than I had growing up.  I also tell them, that it was this way of life that my dad insisted on, that helped me learn the value of hard work.  In a way, it is unfortunate that I have become so accustomed to these modern appliances because not having them might make teaching hard work a little easier.  I am grateful for these lessons because they made me inventive, efficient, creative, and hard working.

My dad taught me that it was okay to drive an old beater!  You don't have to buy a brand new car to be happy or to get you from point A to point B.  I also learned that sometimes, old beaters are embarrassing and can be more trouble than they're worth, haha!  I fall in the middle of this ideology: buy something used at a cheaper price, but not so old you will have to fix it every few months.  

He taught me to slow down once in awhile and enjoy the outdoors.  When I was a kid I hated camping and hiking and biking.  I was born a city girl, I think! I hated the dirt, not having mirrors, sweating, falling down............feeling uncomfortable............stinking............but that's just what I needed.  I needed to learn that it was okay to get dirty, not do my hair, stink a little.  After years of him forcing his outdoor activities on me, I finally developed an appreciation for it and I love it still.  I always enjoyed boating and going to lakes.  I liked that kind of camping.  I loved jumping into a lake or a river, there is something so invigorating about it.  We never went on fancy vacations, stayed in hotels, or went to Disneyland.  He taught me that you don't need any of that to have a good time!  I guess part of me always wanted that fancy vacation, get on a plane, go somewhere exotic, stay in a nice hotel, or go on a cruise, but I guess I can do that now at anytime.  We always had a pretty great time at the lake or Zion National park.  

I think my love for talk radio comes from him.  I remember driving anywhere with him you got 2 things: oldies, like really old oldies, or talk radio.  I remember complaining about this a few times and quickly learned that it was no use to complain because if he was in the car that's what we were listening to.  I guess growing up with that gave me an affinity for talk radio as I got older.  Now, I love listening to anything and everything.  I know all the good oldies from the 50's, 60's, and 70's because of him.  He would play all the good ones on his very vintage stereo whenever he was home.  

He taught me it was okay to tear up at the National Anthem, and to feel something when you saw the American flag waving, that it represents something special, and that should not be taken for granted.  He taught me to take care of my neighbors, to be a good neighbor and to serve my neighbors.   He taught me that it was okay to be the first one to show up for the party and the last to leave, so you could help set up and clean up. He taught me that it was okay if I liked something different than someone else.

This lesson was profound to me probably just because it came from him and maybe I never expected that it would.  I always had long hair growing up and when I was 12 I decided I wanted to cut it all off, I mean all of it.  I wanted a short bob at my chin.  My mom gave me a hard time about it and voiced her opinion that it would not look good on many occasions.  She wasn't usually this harsh with most things, but for some reason the hair was a big deal.  I wore her down enough to take me to the salon to have it cut.  She hated it.  I liked it fine, mostly it was about trying something new.  When I got home, my mom was mad at me, but my dad looked at me and said, "Do you like it?" I said "yes", and he said, "well that's all that matters."  Little was spoken between us that day, but those few words had a lasting impact on me.  I often hear those exact words go through my mind in dealing with other decisions in my life.  I will say, I've never had my hair that short since, but am always up for trying new things.  

Most importantly, he had a hand in teaching me in whom I can trust, in whom I should follow, in whom I can look to for a remission of my sins.  My dad and I had many discussions on religion when I was in college.  These went beyond the camping trip campfire talks about faith and scripture.  These discussions really made me think.  I'm so grateful for that.  When he wasn't there any longer, I knew I had a Heavenly Father.  I knew and still know today that we all have a Father in Heaven as well as our earthly fathers, who loves us, wants us and guides us. 

Happy Fathers Day to all the men who are fathers or father figures to others!  You are so important!  You are loved and valued!  No one can replace your good and profound influence!  You are the cornerstone of society and if you keep showing up for your kids and others, maybe society won't crumble!  I know I am who I am today because of a lot of good people, an amazing mother and also,  my father, who was imperfect and made mistakes, but had a profound influence on my life in certain ways and at certain moments.