For the Love

As a kid I wanted to be a professional singer, then an author, then a doctor, then a lawyer, then a veterinarian, then a teacher, then a doctor again, and then I discovered I was destined for the lab.   Of all the many things I've dreamed about being, there is one thing that would truly be a dream to me!  I would love to be a professional gift giver!  Is that even a thing?  Other than Santa, probably not.  A love of gift giving is one thing that has always stayed consistent about me.  I just love to give gifts; it is the love language that I speak to others.  

Gift giving is fun and exciting for me!  I love to find out information about people and then try to think up the perfect gift for them.  I don't mean just the usual gift cards, or something anyone could get the person.  Unless a certain type of gift card is the perfect gift, then I usually stay away from that.  Let's be honest though, sometimes gift cards or money is the perfect gift.  Sometimes we just need some extra cash, or a dinner someone else paid for.  Sometimes a gift that you make yourself is the perfect thing, and yes, I often times make things to give.

It didn't take too long for me to figure out that my husband is not a gift person.  Not on the receiving end or the giving end.  When we were dating, the first gift he gave me was a car cover for my car.  I appreciated the thought behind it, and that's what really mattered.  He heard me once complain about scraping ice off my car windshield and how I didn't like it so much.  A car cover seemed like the perfect gift, but in reality it was his act of listening and then acting with a thoughtful gesture that was the real gift.  I have nothing against practical gifts and sometimes might even prefer them.  It was then and maybe years after that I realized gifts were not my needed love language.  They were and still are very much how I speak my love, but not how I need others to speak love to me.

I need words of affirmation.  Nothing means more to me than when someone gives me a compliment, words of admiration, tells me kind things, tells me what they love about me, or why they love me.  I never forget!  I keep cards people have given me over the years.  I don't think I realized this at the time I was dating my husband, but it makes sense that his witty, kind, humorous poems and notes were what truly won me over! I also later realized that the way I spoke my love was not what he needed.  My husband needs physical touch and quality time.  Because I'm more of an introvert, this has presented a bit of a challenge for me.  As much as I love spending time with friends and family, I have limits.  It's actually challenging for me to be social frequently, yes even with my husband.  Being social is exhausting for me sometimes.

 

This, what I've described above, has frequently been a topic of  conversation around birthdays or other gift giving holidays.  People always ask, "what did your husband give you or do for you?" The answer always surprises them, or immediately makes them think that my husband is not a good husband.  "Why doesn't he do anything for you, or give you anything", they might ask.  They always follow it up with some comment like, "oh, so he's in the doghouse then?"  Again they become surprised by my answer.  There is so much they don't understand!  My husband does a lot of things for me and helps me out a lot.  There are reasons I don't want my husband to get gifts for me.  The truth is, he really has no clue about what to get me.  Most of the time he is just not good at picking out gifts for me.  Don't worry it's okay, I'm not offended or worried about it. He didn't even pick out my wedding ring.  He gave me a chunk of money and I bought what I wanted.  He still doesn't know how much I spent on the ring.

 

Another thing people might not understand about me is that I've been making money for myself since I was 11 years old.  I've been buying my own stuff for a long time.  I'm used to buying my own stuff and I actually very much prefer to buy things for myself rather than someone else giving them to me.  I have just about everything I want and more.  There is nothing I need my husband to buy for me.  If there is something we want to buy together, then we discuss it.  When I have tried to buy gifts for my husband it has been hard.  He usually tells me if he needs something, but he would rather not spend money. He does not mind a practical gift, but it better be practical. I've been successful a few times in getting him some good gifts, but it's usually daunting. 

I've also noticed this about men, maybe it's a man thing, I don't know, but sometimes men have more expensive wants.  This is probably not true all of the time, but it does seem to be a trend in my mind with most men I know; fishing stuff, camping stuff, gun stuff, hunting stuff, boats, hiking gear, farm equipment (my husband), 4-wheeler, new truck, etc,  It's not like an afternoon at the spa for a couple hundred bucks will cut it, or a new item of clothing.  Even their suits are pretty pricey.  Dresses can get rather pricey too, I know , I buy a lot of them.  It probably all evens out if you take into account everyone's hobbies and things they like to spend money on, but I don't know.

 

 I guess the easiest explanation regarding gift giving in my marriage is that gifts are not always what we need and it's not our needed love languages.  So, what are the love languages?  Most people recognize 5 love languages, they are:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Words of affirmation-this is when someone needs to hear encouraging words.  They need to be reminded that they are loved and they need to know the reasons why.  Quality time- this is when someone values time spent with people that love them.  They feel the most loved when they spend time with their loved ones.  Physical touch- this is when someone needs to be touched; hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc.  This is how they feel the most loved.  Hugs have scientifically proven benefits for our mental and physical health.  Hugs stimulate the release of oxytocin.  Oxytocin is known as "the love" hormone.  It is an important part of bonding and relaxing.  Hugs can relieve pain and promote better sleep. Acts of Service- this is when someone needs kind deeds done for them.  They feel the most loved when someone serves them somehow.  Service has benefits for mental health as well.  Service is another way to release "feel good" hormones.  Receiving gifts- this is when someone loves to receive a gift and that's how they feel loved.

 

The way you show your love to others might be different from the way you need love shown to you. This is me, as previously mentioned.  I love giving gifts, it's my favorite thing in the world to do.  I'm completely serious about doing it as a job.  I don't even need to be paid for it.  I just need a bottomless bank account and I'll shop for anyone, and everyone, and give gifts all day long!  That might not even be the best part of the job.  The best part might be the sleuthing to find out what people need, want, and what would be personal, and meaningful to them.  I do love when I can put investigative skills to work!  I don't suppose I could get ample funds for that? I guess I might need to start a nonprofit, or I could advertise myself as a gifting consultant. 

 

What's your love language? How do you show your love to others?  How do you need love shown to you?  One thing to note, and one thing I've learned is that being open is always good in receiving love in any of these ways even if it's not what you need.  Even though receiving gifts isn't really my needed love language I still love it when someone gives me a gift.  

 

As you think about love and love languages this Valentine's Day I think it's important to remember another

kind of love.  This kind of love is called Agape.  Agape is a Greek word meaning the highest form of love. This kind of love is unconditional, sacrificial, kind, and non-envious.  This kind of love is used in Christianity to describe God's love.  This is the love of God and of Jesus Christ!  I can't help but give some thought to this kind of love.  It's true there is a God and He loves us, He knows us and He is aware of our needs.  "The worth of souls is great in the sight of God."  

I don't know who needs to hear this, but there are people that love you, there is a God that loves you and your life has a purpose.  Whether you believe in a God or not, or you've strayed away, you are never out of His reach.  I believe wholeheartedly that when we come to know God, we find ourselves.  We know ourselves because we know Him.  When we can see ourselves the way He sees us it changes everything!  This song is my new favorite song and it's True!  Please listen to it, it's beautiful!  

Happy Valentine's Day!  I hope that everyone can find the love they need and express their love in a meaningful way this year and in years to come!

 

The Truth

by Megan Woods

How many times can you hear the same lie
Before you start to believe it?
The enemy keeps whisperin' to me
I swear these days, it's all that I'm hearin'
I used to know who I was
Now I look in the mirror and I'm not so sure
Lord, I don't wanna listen to the lies anymore
The truth is I am my Father's child
I make Him proud and I make Him smile
I was made in the image of a perfect King
He looks at me and wouldn't change a thing
The truth is I am truly loved
By a God who's good when I'm not good enough
I don't belong to the lies, I belong to You
And that's the truth
When I feel like there's so much noise
Livin' rent free in my head
Heaven finds me in a still small voice
And it sounds like grace instead
You remind me who I am
When I look in the mirror and I'm not so sure
Lord, I don't wanna listen to the lies anymore
The truth is I am my Father's child
I make Him proud and I make Him smile
I was made in the image of a perfect King
He looks at me and wouldn't change a thing
The truth is I am truly loved
By a God who's good when I'm not good enough
I don't belong to the lies, I belong to You
And that's the truth
I know who I am 'cause I know who You are
And I hold Your truth inside of my heart
I know the lies are always gonna try and find me
But I've never been so sure
The truth is I am my Father's child
I make Him proud and I make Him smile
I was made in the image of a perfect King
He looks at me and wouldn't change a thing
The truth is I am truly loved
By a God who's good when I'm not good enough (not good enough)
I don't belong to the lies, I belong to You (I belong to You)
And that's the truth
And that's the truth
 

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jeff Pardo / Matthew West / Megan Woods
The Truth lyrics © Capitol CMG Publishing