To Read the Music or To Hear the Music
My mom paid $5 to rent a dolly to haul the old, heavy, very out of tune, cast iron backed piano up the street and into our house. It was in pretty bad shape. It was missing a bench, a foot pedal and most of the ivory on the keys, oh and a few of the hammers would stick and cause some of the keys to detach from their hammers, making them useless! Maybe I learned more about how a piano was put together than how to play it, maybe not, haha! Once the piano was tuned it didn't sound half bad, but there were still some keys that played sharp and others that played flat causing some dissonance.
We had a piano now, so myself and two of my siblings started piano lessons. It did not take me long to realize that I would not be a great pianist right away! Not only that, but I really struggled with reading music. My sister seemed to pick it up quickly and even my brother did well with it. I was always frustrated and I started to loathe and hate it!
My mom made my sister sit down with me to practice (my least favorite thing to do now) and she would show me the right cords to play, but I still could not read the music. I became really good at memorizing the chords and where to place my hands in order to play a song. Not too long into this process I discovered that I could hear something and then figure out how to repeat it on the piano, even in the right key. So this was not a total waste, I learned I was better at playing according to my ear than reading the notes.
Even though I had this talent I decided to quit playing the piano after 2 years because it was so hard to learn one way which required reading music. I did not touch a piano for about 4 years after that. Later I did learn to read music and music has been a great and wonderful influence in my life.
I always wished and wanted to be like my sister in this piano story and in many other ways, but no matter how much I tried, I was someone else, ME! Have you ever felt pressure to be like someone else, but then one day you wake up and realize you are different?
I always wanted to be like my sister when I was younger! She was fun, funny, adventurous, athletic, smart, pretty, popular, and has many talents that I still admire to this day! I always thought I would grow up to be just like her too, but I didn't. Many times I felt like others (teachers, neighbors, other family members) around me were always comparing me to her, expecting me to be like her and in the end were kind of disappointed that I wasn't like her. I know my younger brother had similar feelings because of me and my sister.
It's good for us to have role models, people to admire and look up to. It's great to have someone that possesses qualities that we desire and we work to attain them. This can motivate and inspire us to be better and help us gain new talents or skills. I still strive to be like my sister in many ways.
Going through those awkward years trying to be like my sister and always falling short was disheartening just like trying to learn the piano one way when my mind worked it out in a different way! I had a hard time accepting my talent to play by ear because I wanted the other talent, to read music. The way I played seemed too different, too weird! Well, this talent served me well later in my life when I was heavily involved in music. I went on to play piano, bass clarinet, flute, and piccalo. At choir tryouts I could blend my voice with just about anyone. I did not have the best voice, but I could hear others and match their tone. Some of the strongest and best voices in choir struggled with blending. Although I always struggled with sight reading, this ability proved valuable as a member of many choirs for years.
One day I woke up and had to come to terms with the fact that I was not my sister and I could never be her because I was different. I was beautiful, smart, funny and had many of my own talents. I had to accept what God made me and what God gave me. Our experiences in life are different and they mold us and shape is into who we are. We are always being molded and shaped in the same way erosive forces can change landscapes. Sometimes this process can be discouraging and painful just like practicing the piano was for me. Life is hard. The road to becoming who we are is long and difficult. Ever heard of the refiners fire? Well, greatness and beauty usually don't come until after the fire.
It can be hard to accept who we are sometimes, our faults, our talents (being different from others), the way our mind works, or how our opinions differ from others. Even now sometimes I think, "I just want to be normal" or "I just want to be like everybody else". Those two statements are completely meaningless because there is no such thing as "being like everybody else". What is normal? It is relative that's what it is!! In reality we all decide in our own minds what is "Normal". We are all different and have different abilities, that's part of what makes life so interesting and great!
It is ok to be YOU! Once you figure out who you are, be comfortable with it, be happy! There is nothing more aggravating than to not be happy with who you are, or to be disappointed in yourself because you are not like someone else. If there are people you admire and want to be like, then look up to them as an example, strive to be like them in the ways you desire, but don't expect yourself to become them. Accept yourself and love yourself first. As you travel through the erosive powers of life, Love yourself and learn to enjoy the journey as much as you can. Reflect upon and appreciate the hard times that are shaping you, be patient because the end result will be a masterpiece! We are all individual Masterpieces in God's eyes.
I think someone I deeply admire and love says it best "I like you just the way you are"-Fred Rogers
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