There is always HOPE

There is always HOPE, that was my mantra for awhile during my college years.  HOPE stands for Hear Our Praise Extend.  It was an audition choir group at Southern Utah University Institute of Religion.  There were other choirs that were not audition groups and anyone and everyone was welcome whether you could sing or not!  You did not have to be a member of the church to be in HOPE, but had to be living your life in such a way that you could get a temple recommend.  This group did many religious and non religious performances.  It was a show choir which meant singing and dancing!  One semester I decided I wanted to be in this group and got up the courage to try out.  I made it!  It was a great experience and I loved it!  It provided me with great strength and an outlet during a time in my life when I truly needed it!  Clearly you did not have to be the best singer to get in, but it was competitive so you did have to show some talent.  Your tryout only got you in for two semesters, you had to re-tryout every year.  If you had been in the choir before, generally you would make it in again.  I did not ever know of anyone who did not make it in on their second tryout, but I'm guessing it had happened before.  There was one time I knew of this happening!

Well, to my surprise, my second tryout resulted in failure, I did not make it, not only that, but I was the only one who did not make it back that auditioned again.  Prior to this audition I had been praying my little heart out to know whether I should do it again or not.  I had a full load that semester and wasn't sure if I could handle it, but on the other hand I felt I needed it.  It brought such peace to my life, kept me busy and really helped me with the trials I was facing at that time.  I felt so strongly that I was meant to be there in that group that next year.  It was overwhelming and I knew I would make it!  There is always HOPE!  When I was facing such trial as I was at the time that is what I thought, I always have HOPE!  When my instructor called me and informed me that I had not made the cut, I was gutted!!  How could I be so wrong about the strong feelings I had?  Was this a "trial of my faith" kind of moment?  Did God betray me?  My first thought was "God gives and God takes away" for purposes I do not know yet.  Kind of like the story of Abraham.

I had lost HOPE in more ways than one.  I think I sat in my car after the phone call and pondered on this and cried for probably 2 hours.  I truly felt alone, I felt excluded, embarrassed, and kind of worthless.  I felt like I had found a place where I fit in and suddenly over night I no longer fit there.  I was determined to not let this ruin me at the moment!  I still wanted to have hope!  I made my peace with it, it was to be expected, this is how audition groups go.  You have to show your talent and what you have to offer the group.  Sometimes it is not enough, sometimes there are people out there that are better than you are at something.  I decided I would be okay without HOPE and that I could still trust God.  Maybe He had something else for me to do that year and I just did not know it yet.  What He had planned for me was a very unexpected and powerful lesson.  About two weeks later I got a phone call from the HOPE director begging for my forgiveness and asking me to take my rightful place in the choir.  I was shocked, not what I expected.  It just so happened that the girl who took my place had also tried out for the SUU Ballroom team and made it, she decided to do Ballroom instead.  The HOPE instructor said "I MADE A MISTAKE".  He expressed that it was me that was supposed to be there and not the girl he thought was to replace me.  This was further confirmed when I went to my first rehearsal.  I was greeted by teary eyed friends, they were so happy that I was back.  We were like a family being reunited.  They were a family to me at that time in my life.  They expressed to me over and over that they also knew I was supposed to be there.

At this point it was clear to me that my feelings about being in this choir at this time were real.  God had not betrayed me, He was right, I was right, but someone made a mistake.  Suddenly it hit me! I felt like I did in high school band when I mainly heard only treble flute lines until I started playing the bass clarinet and hearing the bass lines made the music a whole new experience.  I began hearing things I had never heard before.  I decided I preferred the bass clarinet over the flute.  Somehow I could hear every single harmony and no longer JUST the melody.  My eyes were opened to a new beautiful light!  I guess I was somewhat naive to the fact that even good people make bad decisions or mistakes.  Growing up in a small Utah town with small town church culture made everyone that went to church seem perfect somehow.  Maybe it was that everyone that went to church put on a front that they were perfect.  This culture had shaped my naivety, but this experience made me realize that even some of God's best servants don't hear the spirit sometimes.  I was filled with compassion for my choir director and knew that one day I might be in his shoes.  My lack of attention to promptings of the spirit could hurt someone somehow.  This made me realize that the church is not perfect and that there are things that have been corrected in the passed and there are teachings that have been clarified and corrected recently and there will be in the future as well.

This subject has been on my mind a lot lately.  I have thought about how it has affected my life in the past, how it affects my life now and how it may affect my life in the future.  It mostly has to do with people in and out of my religious faith.  Growing up in Utah and residing here still, and being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has been in and of itself a huge trial.  Why? People who grow up in the church in Utah have it easy right?  Well, not exactly.  Have you ever heard of the term "Utah Mormon"?  Yes, this is a real thing, people get so upset over it that I have seen some leave the church. We are all just a bunch of hypocrites!  Yup and you would be right, we all are to some degree. The term classifies a group of people as hypocritical, thinking they are better than everyone else, self righteous, and people that perhaps do not accept the choices and opinions of others that differ from their own.  All-in-all a "Utah Mormon" is a member of the church that "talks the talk", but does not "walk the walk", a "do as I say not as I do" attitude.   I recently saw a social media post that compared the members of the church to the Dr. Seuss Sneetches with green "stars upon thars" discriminating against those who had none.  I was saddened by this post, but I cannot say that it never happens.  Growing up in a small town in southern Utah you can bet that this mentality existed, unfortunately.

 Growing up in the church in Utah is like going to a nice restaurant and being offered samples of all of the deserts and maybe you decline and the waiter says "how do you know you don't want desert unless you try it?"  So you try it and decide you like it, but if you want to keep eating it no one else will feed it to you.  You have to pick up the fork and feed it to yourself all the while your whole family, all of your friends and all of the church members are watching, critiquing and judging you, just waiting for you to make the choice they want you to make.  Maybe some even try to shove it down your throat!  They are all pressuring you to taste the carrot cake or the cheesecake and so on as if the different types of desserts represent one's own interpretation of church teachings, or opinions.  This example might seem crazy to some, but I have felt this pressure before and I know I'm not the only one.

The great part about this analogy is the truth in the question: How do you know if you like the church and its teachings and how are you going to find out its truth unless you try it?  So in Utah the Gospel is served to you on a silver platter, so to speak.  You have easy access to it all and you may have more opportunity to learn and discover than in other places in the country or the world.  There are a lot of other people that share this same belief.   Everything is at your fingertips.  The bad, but true, part about this analogy is that there is more pressure placed on just about everyone who has been raised in the church to always make the right decisions (according to someone's own interpretation of the expectations of the church) and have a happy perfect life!  In some places it's like there is some unwritten hierarchy in the church that perpetuates the idea that some people are better than others.  So any of you out there who believe in and struggle with this mentality, I hear you and I have felt it too.  It exists within the church as well as between members and non-members of the church.  I think it is fair to say that this mentality is both created and perpetuated by SOME non-member groups as well as SOME members of the church.  It would be terribly unfair to cover the church as a whole in this blanket assumption!  In Utah, I have seen rifts and canyons created in families because someone doesn't serve a mission, someone doesn't get married in the temple, or someone gets divorced.   Suddenly these people are not good enough anymore.  I'm not talking about the disappointment that may come to parents if a child decides to lead a very different life than what their parent's taught.  I'm talking about family never speaking to other family members again or family on family fighting with lack of any type of clear communication or understanding, or not even a hint of compassion.  Even with my upbringing I have never agreed with this mentality and I still don't, it has destructive effects on individuals and families.  Some of my closest friends even as a child were non-members of my church and I loved them and always have loved them for who they are!  I believe we are all in the same boat trying to do the best we can and be happy.  I have always said to everyone I know "if you are happy then I am happy for you" no matter what their faith, belief, or choices are. 

I have been told there was something wrong with me because I was not married by 21.  As moms would brag about how young their daughters were when they married like it was some kind of young marriage Olympics!  I have been told that I was too fat and no one would want to marry me.  I have been treated as a less than worthy person because my parents are divorced.  I have been treated like I was worth less because I did not come from a family of wealth.  I have seen young girls attend college for the sole purpose of finding a husband. "They are not there for a BSA they are there for an MRS" was an actual saying that was popular as people observed one another in their college journey! Further, I have seen these girls accept nothing less than returned missionary status for even a simple date because if they were to even give a non returned missionary a chance it was like they were sinning, or unworthy, or something.  I have seen young couples dangle their engagements in front of other single adults like a carrot in front of a horse as if they were CHOSEN for marriage above the rest!  My husband and I have been treated as if we were of another religion because people disagree with us politically or philosophically.  There have even been times when some have tried to have us silenced because they just didn't like how we commented in Sunday School.  I know what it's like to feel excluded and treated badly by fellow members of my church. I want to point out that in most of these experiences it was 1 or a few people that made me feel these things not a huge group.  Does this mean the church is not true?  Does this mean it's all wrong? No it means people are imperfect! You can't judge the church based on the actions of a few!  Another mantra I have adopted!   It's important to note that I have also experienced the exact opposite from members and non-members in Utah.  I have had many reach out to me in understanding and patients and show amazing kindness!

I promised myself a long time ago that I would not stop going to church just because someone made me feel bad in some way or treated me wrong.  Sadly, I have struggled with this and been tempted many times to stop going.  I have never once thought that those who do not go to the temple or those who are not members of my church are beneath me in some way.  I think this idea is a misconception for members and non-members alike.  I have heard many say how hurt they are because they cannot attend a wedding of a family member because it is in the temple.  They further complain that they don't understand how anyone can be a member of a church that excludes people from such an important life event.  I have recently discovered just how much hurt this attitude can bring to the ones going to the temple.  This lack of understanding or lack of an effort to understand those going to the temple can be very hurtful.  Just being a member of the church does not automatically gain you access to the temple, it's not a club.  Going to the temple is a life goal and many people strive and work hard to get there their entire life.  That was me, it was a life goal of mine and it was not always easy.  It is a personal choice, no one can make you do it.  When you finally have done all the work to be worthy to go, and you believe in it, love it and have a desire for it, it can be seen as an accomplishment, or rather a new beginning, or just one stop among many in our lives, but it doesn't end there.  It's like once you get there, that's when the real work begins. 

In the temple we promise to adhere to a higher expectation and a higher law.  It does not make us better than everyone else or place us above others, we are still humans subject to temptation, sin, and bad behavior, but we have accepted a responsibility to live our lives up to this standard and it can be a burden, but a burden with many blessings, nonetheless.  I'm not denying that there are people out there who do believe they are higher than others, but this is not a teaching of the church.  I have also known some that only go to the temple to make their family happy, some do it for the wrong reason and in many cases these situations do not end well. We do believe that to gain the highest degree of glory, to be with our families forever and be in God's presence that the temple sealing and adherence to covenants made is required.  This does not exclude anyone even though it may seem that way, but merely recognizes the belief that God does have expectations and in order to choose and fully accept Him there are things we should and should not do in our lives.  He wants us to choose Him, He has already chosen us.  Many in the church, including myself, believe that we will all be given many chances to learn and accept God and what He wants for us.  God will always respect our agency, we will always have a choice when it comes to matters involving God.  We believe that God has a standard of preparation required before we can receive an eternal inheritance of the highest order.  This does not mean that temple goers are the only ones that receive an inheritance from God and everyone else goes to hell. This does not mean people outside the church never receive blessings or have spiritual experiences. We believe that we can become like God, but how do you become like someone if you don't know them or follow their actions?  This is why we make sacred covenants with Him so we can become like Him.  We still believe that He loves everyone equally and that no one is better than anyone else. God is no respecter of persons.

Why have a standard in order to make covenants with God when we are all equal in His eyes?  God does not want anyone to promise things they don't fully believe in or understand.  If you make a promise that you don't understand does it mean anything? This is God respecting agency again.  When I hear people say the church instills fear in its members, it brainwashes people into believing nonsensical fantasy, it makes me crazy!  I have come to discover over the years that any flaws that lie within the church are usually caused by people, not the doctrine or teachings of God that we believe in.  Some may have different interpretations of teachings and thus resulting in highly judgmental attitudes, or some other misconception of the truth.  First of all the church is not excluding people, if they were they would probably NOT have such a strong emphasis on missionary work and sharing the gospel with others.  The truth is, the church wants everyone to come to the temple and all are welcome.  Second, what is done in the temple is very sacred to those who attend.  Yes, there are standards that must be met before going in and those are met on an individual basis and in part the individual decides his/her own worthiness.

If you are going to go to the temple you must understand much before going and have a testimony of many principles before going.  Why?  because it is line upon line and precept upon precept.  If I don't have a testimony of the principle of tithing, if I don't have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, if I don't know God's word or Him by his doings through scripture, if I don't have pure thoughts and a repentant heart to worship before Him, then what is the point?  If I were to enter the temple in this state it would mean nothing to me, it would not be sacred, I would not learn anything and I certainly would not understand the things that are happening there.  Would you make sacred promises to God if you knew nothing of His work, His purpose, or understand your purpose as His child, or if you simply did not believe or agree with His teachings?  No, probably not.  How could you possibly promise to accept and live a higher law when you have never done anything to prepare to live that higher law?  The temple experience is sacred and having the standards before you go makes you realize the importance of what you are doing and it is not to be taken lightly.  It helps you to become more holy before stepping into a holy place.  The standard prepares us to be in the presence of God.  It is a place of learning, but you can't learn from the spirit if you don't listen to the spirit or recognize it.  All of the standards are in place so that we get to know God, listen to the spirit, understand His purpose, the Atonement and our place with Him.  Only then will we understand what is happening inside the holy temple.  Would you be able to get a job as an Engineer if you never went to college or proved your skills in some way?  No! Why not?  Thus it is with the temple, you must show some dedication to God before you step into His holy place. 

When a couple decides to be sealed in the temple it is a hard thing to do and takes possibly a lifetime of preparation for some and they are doing it to better themselves, their families and to do what they believe is what God wants, not to make them a level higher than everyone else.  God is in their marriage in a very literal way.  So if feelings of exclusion come because people make these decisions maybe we should try hearing all of the harmonies instead of just the melody.  Feeling offended is very much a choice.  "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"-Eleanor Roosevelt.

With the new year my HOPE is that we can all make peace with one another despite our member or non-member status.  May we all have greater compassion and understanding for one another.  After all non of us can really live without HOPE!  THERE IS ALWAYS

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2015/10/why-the-church?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2015/04/why-marriage-why-family?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2015/04/the-music-of-the-gospel?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2015/04/latter-day-saints-keep-on-trying?lang=eng