The Language of My Soul

 

As a young child I remember being touched by music so deeply that it brought me to tears at times!  It was like the piano called to me.  Before I even knew how to play I felt like I had a connection with it, as if it was an extension of my body and soul at the mere touch of it.  I was meant to play.  I always felt the same about my voice, I always wanted to be a singer!  Singing, for me, is like giving my body over to my soul, it's like speaking a different language, it's like allowing my soul to speak and communicate what's deep in my heart.  I am no prodigy, nor did I become a great pianist or singer.  When that young me first touched a piano and felt something beyond myself, little did I know that it was truly the language of my soul and that it would be my choice of remedy and expression for many years.  Little did I know that it would take 88 keys to unlock my heart.  It was truly my first love!  I came to know those 88 keys well and leaned on them for guidance and answers throughout my life!  Little did I know that God put within me a mechanism that would save my soul...............for this was how I would hear Him........

If any of you know me, you know that music has been a huge part of my life.  Everything in life can be related to what I've learned from music.  It seems that for me music is a way of life.  I have gotten out of the habit of sharing this with others.  It's something I want to work on sharing again, but often times I feel out of practice.  

Here I want to share some of the important life lessons my experience with music has taught me.  When I was young I wanted to just sit down and be able to play beautifully.  I begged to take lessons, but was frustrated by having a difficult time reading music.  I could feel it, but I could not read it.  I could always feel and understand the communication of the beautiful music, but I was not good at translating that to paper.  I got so frustrated that I eventually quit.  It's like when you hear someone speak a different language that you don't understand, but you can feel their emotion and the love is communicated perfectly even though their words don't make sense.  This was what music was like for me in the beginning.  Music is such an emotional thing for me, I guess that's why I have trouble sharing it.  From this I learned to never give up and that anything in life that you desire and that is worth anything is going to be hard work.  Faith without works is dead.  Just because you feel something does not mean you just know what you are doing suddenly.  It requires work on our part to gain a full understanding and learning is hard work, it takes effort! Training is required in almost all things even spiritual things.  I also learned that technique is not everything, and sometimes, it's not the most important thing either. 

When I picked up the flute things changed for me, somehow a few years later the flute taught me the technical part of this language.  The opportunity to learn the flute came about by a miracle.  I knew what path I wanted to take and God paved the way for me, He wanted to open this door for me. It seemed impossible, but Heavenly Father cared about my desire and made it possible through a sweet Sunday School teacher. I loved the flute!  It was a little simpler to learn, I was so grateful for that!  I had about 6 years of training and learning with my beloved flute.  Three of those years I had the privilege of learning the bass clarinet, while still playing the flute, of course.  I also had a short experience with the piccolo, which was fun!  Playing the flute I learned that you don't always get the melody, although you do much of the time.  I learned the beauty of harmonizing and tuning.  Flutes are hard to tune to one another.  If one is disanant everyone will hear it!  The flute sections are often overpopulated, this is what gave me the opportunity to learn the bass clarinet.  Just because its popular to play doesn't mean you are the most important or that you should overpower the other voices!

The bass clarinet introduced me to a whole new world!  This instrument has an incredibly rich smooth tone.  It plays in the treble clef even though it's called BASS clarinet.  It reaches the range of other bass instruments so reading that in the treble clef can be tricky.  Reading this music helped improve my bass hand on piano.  When playing with a group I was trained to more clearly hear the bass lines of any piece of music.  I found myself always hearing the bass lines before anything else when listening to instrumental music. This flipped my world of music upside down, it really was a new world.   When I played the flute I was always just concerned with the top melodies and perfecting that.  If you take the bass lines out the music it is not the same.  Bass lines give such richness to music while providing a strong foundation.  Even in music foundation is important.  This became my favorite place to be when playing in an ensemble.  This also taught me the importance of every part in a peice of music.  If one part is missing, you will notice, its not the same!  All those instruments coming together playing different parts make amazing and beautiful music.  When many come together united in one cause it can be powerful.  Though not everyone is playing the same part, you could not be powerful without the individual efforts of each part. 

The piccolo showed me just how much effort and energy it takes to be loud and annoying! That thing takes about twice the effort to blow controlled air through than the flute.  I guess it makes sense, its about half the size of the flute.  The piccolo definitely has a place and sounds great in marching bands, but sometimes less is more.  There are appropriate times to spend energy being loud, but most of the time its unnecessary.  

Cedar High's Madrigal choir was something I set my eye on early, before I was even in high school.  This was my goal.  I did not have a lot of confidence in myself.  At freshman tryouts I was placed in Lyricals, an all girls choir.  That was a good experience and I learned a lot about blending voices, and how to sound like others to make one voice. I learned how to really, intently listen.  I sang second soprano, which in my opinion is the hardest part to sing.  It's mid range, but still on the high side, you are always harmonizing, and rarely have the melody.  Its really hard when you get into 6 part splits between soprano and alto.  The most important thing I learned here and in all choirs was the importance of one voice.  There was always someone who sang better than me or had a better voice than me, but I realized the importance of coming together with a common cause where no one overpowers another even if they are better.  I vividly remember call backs for Madrigals.  This was my Sophomore year and I was auditioning to make the choir for my Junior year.  There were so many of us crammed in the small choir room that always seemed big to me until this moment.  The choir director making his own choir swapped people in and out of parts and spots, he continued this until he was satisfied with the sound.  He did this for what seemed like many hours, had to have been at least 3 hours. He did the same thing with each section, soprano, alto, tenor, bass. Then we were mixed up and put into quartets, 4 people, one of each part and we sang a short song.  The director continued to swap us in and out of quartets to see what sounded best for each group.  I guess you could say this was a training exercise in listening and blending, but also to test if you could sing your part against the other parts with no help.  I remember being exhausted after all of that and my voice was tired, but it was pretty exhilarating too.  Truthfully, this was where I learned to listen and how important that really was, not just in music, but in life too.  As a kid, I did not always listen very well, I had my own ideas!  

I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Cedar High School music department.  In college, I was a little too busy to keep up with all of the music, but I followed my heart to the SUU Institute choir.  This indeed, was a very special place.  I spent so much time there, probably half of my college career was spent there in classes and choirs.  The choirs were amazing and a great place to be, they were perfect for my soul.  Here I had the opportunity to learn how to dance, and sing, and choreograph.  

 I did not have a piano when I was in college so I often found myself alone in one of the institute classrooms with a piano, since every classroom had a piano.  This is where I went to pour out my soul, to pray and play out what was in the depths of my inner being.  This is where I went to work out problems with myself, and with life's trials. This is the place, other than my own home, or the temple, where I could Hear Him, where I could converse with the spirit.  The times in my life when I've felt the spirit the very most have been in the midst of music.  Too often I have sat in church listening to thoughts, talks, and counsel without feeling anything........until we sing a hymn or a primary song, then I might be blinded by my own tears.   Yes, it's true I am a big cry baby when I feel the spirit or feel my heart moved upon by beautiful music.  I can hardly contain myself, this is probably why I have some stage fright, haha!

Whenever I'm troubled, need to feel peace, or feel God's love all I need to do is play, sing or listen to some church music, or or any beautiful music that sparks inspiration.  It never fails me.  Music has never failed to bring me peace, love, joy, compassion, relief, or strength, and even understanding.  Music even softens my heart when I'm angered.  Music brings to me God's tender mercy. Personal revelation most often comes during the music.  How difficult it was to have a heart that could only be unlocked by 88 keys, but how enormously grateful I am for that now!  Maybe I would have found another outlet to work out life's ups and downs, but I'm  not sure it would have been so multi-faceted for me.  Sometimes I feel like music is at the core of my being!  Countless times I have felt that those lonely times with the piano saved me from becoming something or someone I wouldn't be proud of today.  In learning to play the piano, which was a very difficult task for me, I learned how to feel God's love for me personally.  Those 88 keys taught me more temporally and spiritually than I could have ever imagined or asked for.  They were the start to an incredible musical journey for me.  No, I'm not some Broadway star, or highly educated musician, I don't play in a symphony or on a stage, but music has changed my life.  Because of music I know Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of me.  Music inspires me to do good and be good.  Music helps me learn.  Often, during my school days I listened to music as I studied and it helped me remember things.  During tests I could hum the music in my head and remember what I was studying during that song.  All those studies out there about music maximizing learning, they are true! https://www.fnu.edu/benefits-studying-music/#:~:text=Studies%20have%20shown%20that%20music,maximize%20learning%20and%20improve%20memory.  Because of music I am the person I am now and I count on it to help me change in the future too.  

This is how I Hear Him........How do you Hear Him? 

Where do you feel safe, at peace, content, happy, comforted?..........this might be a good starting place............

When I Sang

Cherie Call

There were pictures everywhere
And my teacher said that this was His house
So I knew He must be there
And even though I never saw His face
I know He walked the halls
And I knew that He could hear
When I sang that I could be His sunbeam
That I could love my neighbor
That I could fold my arms and bow my head
And I knew He was just around the corner
In the light behind the stained glass
I wasn't quite sure where
But He was always there

When my freckles went away
And all the dresses and the lace-trimmed socks
Began to get too small
I saw churches everywhere, I saw so many children go inside
And I wondered if He knew my name at all
But I sang that I would be my brother's keeper
And I felt the tempest raging
But I kept singing "Peace, peace, be still"
And I hoped that He was still around the corner
In the light behind the stained glass
I searched everywhere
And He was always there

And I stand all amazed
Confused at he grace He gives to me
With all the ways I wander
A pilgrim and a stranger
But in the distance I can always see
The light that kindly leads

I am older now
But every day I try to be a little more
Like the child I used to be
And I think the times
I start to feel that way the most
Are the moments that I pray
And when I raise my voice to sing
To praise the Lord Almighty
The King of Creation
Somehow I know that He can hear
By the way my spirit trembles
He's just around the corner
In the light behind the stained glass
It doesn't matter where
He is always there