The Unschooled

When I watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid with my kids, I thought, "yep.....that's about right, middle school was the worst".  I think I've successfully blocked out parts of it because my conscious and subconcious doesn't want to remember it!  It's not that school itself was bad or the teachers were bad, but it's just a really crappy time for developing kids! I had a few really amazing teachers in middle school.  Fortunately and unfortunately, homeschooling isn't "new school, old cheese", but rather a whole different kind of cheese, maybe even one that stinks on its own without having to sit on the playground for months!  Haha!  I mean that in a good way and maybe.....sometimes a bad way..........let's just say it's challenging! Being a homeschooler puts you in a position subject to many judgements and criticisms from others......but what doesn't, am I right?  I feel like I have been under a microscope for a long time with this subject. Granted, I often put myself there too. If I had a dime for every time I've heard the socialization question followed by disgust, I might be able to quit my job! I come from a family rich with wonderful teachers and educators. My choice to home school is not meant to insult, criticize , or make anyone feel inferior to me.  Self-righteousness is never my intent.  

When I made the choice to homeschool, that choice did not come with the disclaimer that " I am now against ALL public education and its teachers".  I actually feel quite the opposite. I feel that I

am very much on the side of teachers and I still appreciate what good teachers do for kids. I do also support parental rights. I have been active in contacting local and state representatives in Utah about concerns in education. I'm a homeschooling parent that still cares about teachers, parents, kids and education! How can that all coexist? Right? Well, it does! To be clear on the subject, I will say, I am not willing to co-parent with the government. As government control continues to encroach on education and redefine it, I know I don't want to subject my children's minds to their battlefield. In a co-op a few years ago I met a single mom who had her son in a South Jordan school. She asked the teacher if she could come and observe the class once or twice to see what was taught and how her child adjusted, the teacher said "NO"! So, this mom called the principal and asked the same thing. The response she got was "Once you drop your kid off at our school, we are the parent and you have no business being in the class!" She pulled her kid out that day and decided to homeschool. 

I realize that not all administrators and educators in schools are trying to separate kids from the parents, or somehow become the parent altogether, but something else that needs to be realized is that not all homeschoolers are paranoid, crazy people.  There are many reasons why people choose it, although it is true that many liberty-loving, and religious people can be found among the inhabitants of its community.  I have discovered more and more that there is always an increasing governmental presence in our schools, all the while parental rights are being discarded.  I see that it's becoming more of a problem......that is a different discussion for another day.  I have many reasons for homeschooling.  Just like public school has many benefits, so does homeschool! I actually almost became a teacher myself.  There has always been a part of me that has desired to be a teacher! I appreciate and admire good teachers that are weathering the storm of the broken system that public school is!  They are there trying to fix and improve it! As a homeschooler I don't think I'm better than anyone, I don't think my kids are better or smarter than anyone.  I understand the parents that choose not to homeschool for various reasons. 

I know how amazing and life changing the influence of a good teacher can be! I've had many of them and I'll never forget them! A while back I came across an old school newspaper with an article about receiving the HOBY leadership ambassador honor at my high school. In the interview when asked why I applied to be the Hugh O'Brian leadership ambassador I said, " Ms. Jordan told me to, and I've learned to just do what she says!" Thinking about Ms. Jordan, my Sophomore English teacher, I have many fond memories. She is one of the reasons I'm a good writer and she always encouraged me in every way! She was amazing and I'll never forget her influence!  I truly owe a lot to many of my teachers for helping me find myself, love myself and be who I am today! I'll never forget my high-school biology teacher stumble into the classroom one morning in a complete suit of armor and turn on the soundtrack from Lord of The Rings and start teaching us what he called BATTLEFIELD YOU!  I'll also never forget the chemistry teacher who put on a Halloween magic show of chemistry for the science classes at Halloween!  They inspired me!   It was then that a spark was ignited in me that I guess you could say never diminished.  I am a Medical Laboratory Technologist/Chemist in a Clinical Mass Spectrometry Lab at the University of Utah......phew! That was a mouthful!  I love it and I will always love "Battlefield you!"

I loved public school, I had great experiences there, but I realize not everyone does.  I went to school in small town Cedar City, Utah. My husband went to school in California, where his kindergarten class was mostly Spanish speaking, and this was before the popular duel-immersion, this was 1985. I think he was a little terrified of his teacher who addressed him as something that translated to "little child", I think.  Anyway, he did not like anything about his public school education and did not do well in that environment.  Although, I did quite well in the public education environment, I can understand people like my husband, there are many of them out there.  My husband is a very smart person and I do believe he can learn just about anything he puts his mind to.  He has become a bit of a Jack-of-all-trades type. He is good at many things and knows something or many things about almost everything! 

I'm hoping since Covid started, that more people out there might understand or at least have a glimpse into how challenging homeschool can be, but also how freeing it can be! The truth is, HOMESCHOOLING IS HARD! I find myself wanting to give up all the time! I am my own worst enemy and critic! I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing and if I'm doing enough, or if I can keep going! It has been very difficult to change everything I've ever known about education! I've had to change my perspectives and my gauges, my compasses, every view I've had about education my entire life. I've been forced out of my comfort zone and I've had to be more open minded. You can't simply start homeschooling and expect to make it just like public school.  I find myself posting on social media  the things we do because when I have documentation I can look back on, it helps me, it lifts me, and sometimes inspires me to stay motivated and not give up. It helps me move forward!

Sometimes I stress myself out when I start to compare my kids to public schooled kids.  I think "Oh, so, and so is already writing stories?.....Crap, we're behind!"  A friend of mine pointed out that it's not fair to compare my kids to public schooled kids especially since I'm not using the public school curriculum.  I discovered she is right!  I find my brain asking myself  "my kids are behind?......Behind what, exactly?"  I've learned that the gauge I measure my kids learning by must be different than that of the public school because we aren't learning the same way or using the same methods or the same materials.  As long as I can see improvement in what my kids are learning and that they are learning new things all the time, then this must be my gauge. My two kids learn very differently and I can't even measure them by the same yardstick!  

I do feel like we are doing great with reading, math, and science, but I've felt like my daughter has fallen behind in writing, according to my own measurement.  I have had quite a lot of stress about it, but I don't want to push her too hard and make it so unpleasant that she associates it with negativity.  She'll do the copy work sometimes and her penmanship has improved greatly over the last year.  She seems to pick up on grammar and sentence structure just fine, she just never wants to do the writing part.  I think it's because she is left-handed and I've seen her struggle with that.  I noticed it was harder for me to help her because I'm right-handed.  She would write things backwards quite often for awhile, which I found out was common for kids learning to write.  I think she is a bit of a perfectionist by her own standard and since she couldn't do it perfectly, she would get frustrated at me correcting her so much.  This became associated with negativity, but I'm confident it will come with time.  One day we had a huge fight and I took all the devices away, her Nintendo switch, TV, tablet, and the charging cords I feel we are constantly drowning in.  She was livid!  After I calmed down, I talked to her about it and told her why I felt the way I did, then I left her alone for awhile. Later she came to me and asked me to come downstairs, she wanted to show me something. So I went down there to find that she had written on the dry-erase board in nice penmanship, punctuation and mostly correct spelling and structure:

 "I'm sorry, forgive me can I have my stuff back

PLEASE?"

I was so happy!  She had written a sentence all by herself and got it mostly correct!  I realized she had

been picking up more than I thought all along.  She always does this to me though, she always knows more than I think she does.  She won't do things until she decides to, it has to be her idea!  So then I asked her, "so does this mean I have to make you really angry before you'll write a sentence for me."  She said "maybe!"  Haha!

So....if all of this is so hard, why do I do it? Because of love! Because I love teaching, because I want to be the most important influence in my kids' lives, I want our bonds to stay strong!  I know that if I'm not the #1 bonder for them, then they will look for that bonding elsewhere, and that could be problematic for our relationship in the future.  It is, however, important for them to bond with other kids and adults too.  No matter your situation or educational choices, always remember, it's important to keep your kids close.  They are desperate to bond with you, the parent, first!  Maybe I've already said it, but if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit I really enjoy this homeschool set up, even when it's really hard for me and for my kids!  It is hard for them too because most of their friends go to school and there is a part of them that wants to be like everyone else.  Sometimes they don't always see the value in our set up.  When they do see the value, it's all worth it!  I love to see my kids learn and I love to bond with them through their learning! They really love to play teacher sometimes and teach me........those days are the best! 

There is an amazing homeschool community here in Utah that I've benefited greatly from! I love the opportunities it provides for our family. I love having the freedom to choose what is most important to teach. I love seeing other parents teach at co-ops! I love co-ops and what they offer to my family! You might say the same thing about the school you attend or put your kids in. That's great, I can be a homeschool mom that supports your kids and your family in your educational choices too!  Homeschool families are not that much different from the non-homeschool ones! Homeschool is just another route to a similar destination, to learn, to be successful, to gain knowledge and skill, to make a living, etc.

So, to all of you teachers out there giving it your all, THANK YOU!  I have had teachers I would consider heroes in my life! Keep doing what you are doing, never give up on trying to make a difference! To all of you parents out there, no matter your choices, life is hard, parenting is hard, homeschooling is hard, KEEP GOING! Don't give up on what you are doing  and certainly don't let my beliefs and opinions offend you in any way! Be who you are, live how you want, do what's best for you! We can still be friends, we can still talk, we still have common ground! I will always try my best to seek understanding and no matter what, I'm willing to always listen and be a friend!

Okay.....so.....what do we do?  Have you heard the saying "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well"? That's it! No, Just Kidding, but that's how I feel sometimes!  If I could describe it better, I guess it would be a wild mix of traditional schooling and unschooling!  I've had to unschool myself quite a bit in order to homeschool. The Traditional side looks like this: We use different work books. We focus on the basics of reading, writing, grammar, math and science.  We use Hooked on Phonics for reading, once we finish that we move on to other reading exercises and comprehension.  We use Math for a Living Education from Master books.  We do workbooks for writing, spelling and Grammar.  I talk a lot explaining things many times.  They ask A LOT of questions........sometimes so many that I have ask for a quiet time!  

What is unschooling?  It's simply the idea that learning does not just happen within 4 walls, or sitting at a desk! Unschooling is when the curriculum is driven by the child's interest rather than a set in stone curriculum that you buy.  Anyone who homeschools probably also unschools to a degree.  Even public schools do this, ever heard of a field trip?  Or a field trip that you didn't have some hefty assignment attached to? Those were my favorite!  On that field trip did you find answers to your own questions? Have you ever asked a question and then went and found the answer on your own?  Have you ever decided to pick up a new hobby because you just wanted to learn something new?  Unschooling is the best training for continuing education, one day formal education ends.  

The Unschooling side looks like this:  We go to museums, parks, zoos, art exhibits, plays, concerts, etc. based on what my kids interests are. The endless curiosity and questions applies to all schooling, of course, but with unschooling I can plan specific lessons or projects, or even trips around my kids' questions and interests.  I would also include extracurriculars and even sports as a type of unschooling, because there are many things to learn and many ways in which to learn them. These activities are often driven by the students' interest to play the sport or be involved in the extracurricular activity.  These are also not taught in the traditional classroom, most of the time. I think of traditional schooling as the book work, copy work, memorizing, written tests, etc.  I see unschooling as the getting your hands dirty, the going and doing part lead by your curiosity and questions, it gives you valuable experience.  The Traditional can act as a skeleton and the unschooling as the wings to make you fly!  Maybe that sounds corny, haha!  When you apply for a job, you're not only asked to show grades and/or a diploma, but usually asked about experience as well and even other interests.  Now you are realizing you've all been unschooled, a little and you never knew it, haha!  So, maybe it's not as radical as you've heard or read?  If you didn't know, this method has been demonized, with headlines reading, "Why One Woman Stopped Radically Unschooling Her Kids!" Haha!  

A good example of unschooling just happened last week.  While at the store, my son wanted to use the money he earned to buy a toy, live pet, chameleon.  When we arrived home we played with the new toy, then my son became curious and overwhelmed me with questions about chameleons and lizards.  I have to say, I'm very grateful for moments like this, it makes all that work for my Zoology degree worth it, haha!  I could answer some of his questions, but we turned to YouTube for more answers.  We have a love/hate relationship with YouTube, but it proves valuable much of the time.  We watched an hour of videos about chameleons, then other lizards (the nature videos continued through the weekend).  Later in the day my son asked me about tap shoes and when he could get some.  We then watched videos of Riverdance and Fred Astaire.  Of the video about Fred Astaire, my son said, "I guess you could get really good at dance if you just dance all day instead of watch TV!", I said "Yes, you are right!" He said he was going to dance all day the next day! Haha!  The dancing videos reminded me of something cool I had seen a year earlier called Cymatics.  We watched videos about Cymatics.  Cymatics is how sound moves matter, geometric patterns are formed at different frequencies.  These patterns can be seen when using sand or salt on a tray that is hooked up to a tone generator. In other words, it's the visualization of sound.  So, unschooling is simply learning by interest rather than specific curriculum.   Sometimes days start out with one question, "what do you want to learn today?" Sometimes we build Legos, sometimes we play games, paint, draw, read, do KiwiCo boxes, or Little Passports boxes.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=wvJAgrUBF4w&fbclid=IwAR1ecs5lUKrBjJbZ5TzKewDOadGMqJL6vkUmH-M1StK7IR5ekyAAxINdq7g

Another example is when we did an art project from a KiwiCo box and made our own Venus Fly traps out of a paper plates.  The questions began and again were overwhelming.  We watched many videos of Fly Traps catching flies, then I decided to buy a real plant for my kids to see.........then I found a terrarium.........then I started looking at other carnivorous plants........NOW we have a whole carnivorous plant garden.  We have 2 terrariums full with a variety of pitcher plants, sundews, and fly traps!

OTHER IMPORTANT WAYS WE LEARN: 

We go to karate and dance classes where my kids make friends and then they make friends for me with other kids' parents, haha! My daughter practically schedules her own playdates, and I think she is better friends with one of my coworkers than I am!  I'm not even joking a little here!  My daughter wants me to be best friends with all of her friends' moms and she wants to be best friends with all of my friends!  What was that socialization concern again????? Hahaha! 

So, what are Co-ops?  This is a group of homeschoolers that get together and decide when and where to meet, what we teach and the schedule of who teaches!  It works out quite well! It gives children a bit of a structured classroom experience with other kids of different ages.  There are really large, super organized groups and there are smaller, more flexible groups.  They usually meet once per week for anywhere from 2-4 hours.  

Why karate?........Westwind Karate?  Karate provides another opportunity for structured class time and an opportunity for another adult to teach my child.  In karate Lucy learns more about discipline, respect, how to treat others, how to defend herself, physical fitness and focus.  I felt really strongly that she needed something like this early on.  She also gets opportunities to work with other kids in teamwork, she makes friends, and has the opportunity to experience competing, if she wants to.  She also gets to experience the satisfaction of earning through her hard work.  Turns out we learned more than we bargained for after my daughter was bullied and threatened by other kids in her class.  I was very disappointed.  I blame the degradation of society and families.  I also blame the instructors for being afraid to kick anyone out, or to actually discipline students for bad behavior.  This was something that was good for 3 years, then turned sour, unfortunately.  

So why dance?  My son really felt inspired to be in dance and my daughter just followed along.  My son has loved it with all of his little heart from the beginning and my daughter has grown to love it!  This is yet another opportunity for them to be taught by someone else in a structured environment.  As a homeschool parent I have felt that this is very important! When you take out the structure that traditional school can provide, you have to find structure in other places.  You can't do everything on your own, all the time.  While most people would refer to these activities as extracurricular, I see them as a core part of ours.  If you have kids like mine, kids that want to be with other kids as much as possible, then you understand the constant hunt for activities and play groups!  

Why C and C Ballet?  Since this studio is my cousin's studio, how could I go anywhere else?  I have vivid and fond memories of their family being dancers.  I didn't get to see them often since we lived far away, but I remember one time one of these cousins traveled with Ballet West to my hometown.  When he stayed at my house, I remember he took me for a walk.  Him being quite a bit older than me, and I being just a little girl, I thought it was so exciting to have an older cousin that loved me and wanted to spend time with me.  It really had an impact on me!   I watched him perform at my school!  It was so beautiful!  His sister at C and C Ballet was also in Ballet West.  As I have accompanied my kids to their classes and watched, observed and listened, I can't help but feel a sense of professionalism and class!  The music is beautiful, all the girls and boys seem to be friends!  I don't think I've ever heard any negativity while waiting there for my kids.  At the first recital I was just blown away by the music, the costumes, the talent, and the class!  It brought a tear to my eye on a few occasions.  That's just me, I'm a very musical and artsy person!  I've always had music in my life and have always had an unwavering respect for the arts.  I have always felt that it's a kind of sacred place for me to be.  

I have seen these arts ignite little sparks in my kids over this last year!  If these things I speak of seem hard for anyone to understand let me use this observation to illustrate.  I was waiting as my daughter was in dance class one day and my cousin was teaching in the other room, the door was open.  A couple of girls came out to get a drink of water and in their labored breathing said, "I can see what she means by dancing to live music and how you don't just feel it and hear it, but you BREATH it."  The other girl said, "yeah, I like how she described it that way, I know what she means!"  I have thought about this many times since then and if I could describe how I feel about the arts, it's that.  I don't just hear it, or feel it, or see it, but I BREATH it, I internalize it, I live it!  I may not be on Broadway, or have an album of my own, or play with the Utah Symphony, but music runs through my veins just as blood does.  I thought to myself, "Wow, they speak my language!  I want my kids to learn this language!"  Not only this, but this experience ignited an inspiration in me not just about the arts, but also about education!  I guess you could say that these are also my feelings about education!

I have developed a love for learning that I like to BREATH in.  I've also realized that this love of learning to this depth did not come until after my formal education was completed. It came when I started to learn things according to my own interests. I've applied this to our homeschooling. I don't want my kids to just learn things, see things, read things or memorize things. I want them to BREATH things, really internalize them!  Although I believe this can also happen in public schools, I feel that I have the power to bring this concept to them more often and more definitely than public school could, possibly!  By giving them some freedom to be in control of what they learn, maybe they can find their passions sooner, than I did.  Maybe they can learn to love learning more deeply by choosing for themselves, rather than always having their heads buried in books and notes with anxiety running rampant just to pass the next test.  

Forgive me if I sound harsh here, but that is one problem I have with public education.  It has become less about education and more about passing tests.  The public education system has been riddled with more and more standardized testing than ever before and I don't think it has improved the quality or quantity of education. If you are a teacher who has a different point of view that feels like you want to rip me apart right about now, well, fair enough, but remember you don't have to agree with me. If you are out there teaching and making a difference in kids' lives, if you are igniting the sparks of learning in children, then f a n t a s t i c!! Kudos to you, I really mean that! I realize every school, state, county, and classroom is different, you decide and be the judge for what's best for you and your family!  Choices, choices, choices!  Isn't freedom great?!?

What's KiwiCo and Little Passports? These are companies that makes and send you boxes filled with activities and projects for 0-100 years old!  They provide a wide array of choices!  Art, engineering, science, imaginative play, spatial learning, geography, crafts, music, baking, games, etc.  This supports both our traditional and unschooling methods!  We can just pick one about what we want to learn that day!  These can provide hours of fun, learning and play!  We have had days when KiwiCo has taken up the entire day!  They are well worth the money and save me so much time and energy!

Other sources we use:

Slumberkins is a Social and Emotional learning program for kids.  I like it because it teaches about self-acceptance, getting along with others, working together, how to handle tough situations, accepting emotions and learning how to deal with our emotions.  This is targeted toward the younger kids, but I think older kids can learn from it too.  It's all positive, fun, and engaging for little ones that are trying to understand emotion. 

Big Life Journal is a site that offers downloadable lessons, activities, and uplifting thoughts.  You can sign up for the monthly email for free.  Every month you get a downloadable lesson or activity.  The topics focus on self-esteem, self-acceptance, sibling rivalry, getting along with others, regulating and dealing with emotions, understanding feelings, activities related to holidays, kindness, gratitude, time capsules, chores, responsibility, success and failure, and the list goes on!  If you buy a journal it's a great way to start your kids on keeping one, and

get more of the above lessons with their thought-provoking journal prompts.  I would encourage anyone to use these sources no matter how you educate, they are great for everyone.....I even enjoy them!  

Well, no matter how you choose to educate or learn, do it with love and BREATH it in!  Don't JUST hear, read or write, do an experiment, or punch numbers out on a calculator..........find a way to internalize it and apply it to life in a way that creates admiration and respect for what you are learning..........even if it's not your favorite subject!  Don't be afraid to UNSCHOOL a little!  We do not have to be a slave to the normalcy bias!  Spread your wings a little!  Although I believe that reading, writing, math and science, and arts are a crucial keystone to learning, I also believe that there is no harm in having freedom in learning.......how you learn.........when you learn........what you learn.........just learn......and LOVE IT!