Heroes

 

A few weeks ago on my way to work I reached a wreck in the middle of the road.  It looked bad.  I drove around the wreck slowly only noticing one person out of their car.  I did not stop because I knew there was nothing I could do but assist in calling 911.  So, I called 911 as I was driving and gave dispatch the location and relayed everything I saw.  I thought, "I hope someone gets there soon that can help."  

I've always been a fan of the super hero genre, whether it's books, comic books, movies or television shows.  I've noticed that most people are fans of the super hero in some form or another.  Why? Why do we like heroes?  Why are we attracted to the good vs. evil story lines?  I think we like these stories because they can spark hope.  We all want something to hope for.  Hope brings positive vibes.  

Recently, I've been watching the hit TV series Superman and Lois.  I never tire of watching Clark Kent transform into the all powerful Superman and save the day.  Sometimes I wonder, "how is he going to get out of this one?"  Of course, he always escapes death, saves and defeats.  As Superman saves time and time again, he now faces a new challenge........raising 2 teenage boys.  The new and exciting premise of this series explores Superman after he is married and has kids.  No matter how super Clark Kent is, being a dad proves to be one of the most difficult roles.  In season 3 Superman faces a very real and human struggle that even he cannot overcome.  When Lois discovers she has breast cancer he realizes that he cannot defeat everything on earth, or even save everyone from everything.  Even Superman has limits.  Lois does get through it, but is permanently changed.  

This story explores what the true meaning of being a hero is.  As the Ken family discovers that one son has powers and the other does not, dynamics change, yet reflect Clark and Lois' relationship.  Lois and her powerless son are heroes in their own right as they persist in solving many mysteries, demand justice and protect the ones they love.  The other son really struggles in developing his powers as he suffers anxiety.  He is not popular like his brother, he is shy and a bit awkward.  The powers really help him come out of his shell and bring him some confidence......maybe too much.  The powerless brother is met with disappointment because he is popular and a football star.  He must struggle with finding other ways to be a hero.

The word hero refers to a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievement, or noble qualities.  A hero is noted for courageous acts or noble character.  In Greek, hero literally translates to protector or defender.  One source addresses what hero means in the Bible, translating it as someone who obediently follows God's will for their life.  I can't say I disagree with that interpretation.  I think someone who is a hero in biblical times would also be someone who acts courageously and maybe even saves others in some way.  

Sometimes I find myself hoping for a hero.  Many times I've thought how awesome it would be if Superman, Spider man, or Batman were real!  I've thought maybe the world would be a better place if they were real and not just stories.  Well, they are just figments of the imagination, albeit great ones that can still inspire!  There are unlikely heroes all around us, maybe you are one.  I think we all get opportunities to be a hero in some way, at some time in our lives.  

Once upon a time there was a hero that inspired me.  He was bullied really badly because of his weight.  I watched him through that struggle.  One day he turned to karate.  He started taking classes and I think in some way it saved him.  I went to all of his competitions, I really loved seeing him start to love something.  He earned the name "the wall"  and became an expert board breaker.  Later, after high school he lost over 100 pounds, which was literally half of himself.  He got his personal trainer's license and later joined the Air Force.  He traveled quite a bit working in Missouri, Guam, Italy, and finally at the United States White house in Washington DC.  He earned the highest security clearance an officer can get in the United States, which he takes with him for life.  Now he is retired and works for a private cyber security company in Las Vegas.  Just watching him go through everything and the way he handled things makes him a hero to me. This person is my little brother.

This story has been recently on my mind much lately as my daughter has been dealing with bullies in her karate class.  I put her in karate thinking it would be a great thing for her, and it has been, until she attempted to make friends with two kids in her class that found her annoying.  They called her awful names, used terrible cuss words and told her no one cared about her, they even threatened to harm her.  This went on for weeks, each night something happening.  She grew frustrated and we talked each night about how to deal with it.  She told her instructor and she felt he did not care much.  So, it kept happening.  She grew more stressed and frustrated until she was losing sleep.  She did her best to ignore, but threw some dirty looks their way.  She never used bad words or said much to them, but dealt in silence.  I finally approached the bullies in a place with other adults.  I simply asked questions and asked them to stop.  They blamed everything on my daughter and denied being bullies.  So, I told the instructors everything and after much deliberation decided to take my daughter out of the class.

The other night one of the bullies' mother approached me in a rage outside the karate studio as we were attending one more class.  She was mostly angry with the fact that I approached her daughter to have a conversation.  She tried to convince me it was illegal to talk to a child that wasn't mine.  This idea is very new to me.  She persisted to accuse me of yelling and cussing at her daughter.  I did neither.  I also informed the mother that I later apologized to her daughter if I was too harsh, or mean, or for stressing her out.  None of that was my intention.  Apologies did not matter to this woman.  The mother continued asking me personal questions to fish for ways to insult me.  I'm a terrible mother, inexperienced and not as stressed as her because I only have 2 kids and she has 6.  Okay, so now it turns into this strange contest.  Then, she suggests that all of my daughters stress is caused by me.  I continued to tell her a few stories about our life illustrating why I 100% disagree with her philosophy about children and adults not being able to converse.  She insisted that I was the reason my daughter didn't want to come back to karate.

I've had many conversations with my daughter about how she felt about everything.  She told me she was surprised and relieved when I approached her bullies.  She felt considerably better knowing someone would protect and defend her.  The mother asked me how I would feel if she approached my daughter the way I did hers.  I said, "if my daughter is being a bully, acting badly, or doing something wrong, then I fully expect, even hope, that a responsible adult or concerned parent would intervene to stop it.  As long as you're not abusing my child in some way or threatening her, then I'm fine with it."  I continued to explain that my kids know if they are at someone's house, at church, at school, or out playing in the neighborhood they are subject to criticism and correction if they have bad behavior.  A few times my kids were not happy about being corrected.  I ask, "was the adult mean? Did they swear at you? Did they yell at you?  Were you doing something wrong?" Usually, there is no harm done and yes my kid was out of line.  

I think the most disappointing thing about this encounter was that there was no personal responsibility. There was no apology offered to us, there was no acknowledgement of any wrong doing on her daughter's part.  I was the only bad guy in all of this and the only thing they could say about my very petite 9 year old daughter was that she was being annoying.  So, I guess because she was perceived as being annoying she deserved all the bad names, bad language, and even threats to harm her.  She was really just trying to be their friend.  Just a side note....The bully is 12 years old and stands very tall at 5 foot 6 inches.  Yes, she is taller than me.  I've witnessed my daughter making friends with teenagers at the local pool, church, and our home school co-op and she's pretty great at making friends with the older kids. I've seen a few teens get a little annoyed, but they never chose to be mean.  Special thanks to all the amazing teens we've had the privilege of being around, and thank you for choosing not to be mean to a kid younger than you!  

The saddest part about all this is that karate should be a place of learning where everyone feels safe and everyone has the discipline to refrain from bullying.  The last thing that should take place in any dojo is bullying.  It's ironic really, but that's the very thing that has bothered me so much.  Karate was a safe haven for my brother when he needed it and yet for my daughter, it was the opposite, at least recently.  My daughter practiced there for almost 4 years and never had a single issue until the last month.  

In my opinion, there is a severe lack of personal responsibility for one's actions these days.  Severe lack of respect and charity also abounds.  This mother was incapable of having a civil conversation and failed to extend an ounce of charity, grace, or even sympathy my way, even after having extended those very things to her and her daughter.  I owned up to my "perceived" mistake and apologized.  I'm grateful that at that moment, I was a good example to my kids and I was able to walk away with a clear conscience.  I could have insulted her, I could have said horrible things.  I think God gave me the words I needed in the moment to stand my ground, and stick to the truth without being disrespectful.  

This woman did not like that I stood my ground and disagreed with her.  She did not like that I spoke truth and gave valid reasons for why I believe what I believe.  She did admit my reasons were valid, but then accused me of taking months of frustration out on her daughter.  I then said "if that was the case this would have been much uglier, trust me!"  So, even though I had valid points she could not argue with, she thought the correct recourse was to continue insulting me.  She told me that I needed to learn a lesson from this.  I followed up with "Maybe we can ALL learn a lesson from this.  We all make mistakes, we are not perfect!"  She then became very angry, so we walked away.  I'm still confused as to what her goal was.  I think maybe she wanted me to agree with her and worship at the feet of her ideology.  Apology was clearly not what she was after since she continued to berate and insult me.  As we walked away my daughter asked "does she even care that her daughter said the F word to me like 10 times?"  Unfortunately I had to respond "I guess not".

I have spoken to the head of the karate school and he was shocked and dismayed by these events.  He apologized profusely for what had happened, even offered my daughter private lessons with him.  I love and appreciate the head of the school and have no hard feelings toward the school as a whole.  I've suggested they hire more instructors, have smaller class sizes and focus more on respect for others of all ages.  For many reasons we have decided to close this chapter in our lives and see what other doors might open for my daughter.  I think we were going to leave karate in the near future for other reasons, one being, my daughters changing interests, but this event sped up that process.  

Maybe this was a blessing in many ways.  I've had confrontations before with people.  I've been bullied myself in the past, even more recently.  Yes, people can still be bullied as adults.  I'm the type of person that avoids confrontation even at all cost sometimes.  I hate confrontation so much!  This was a good test for me and an opportunity for me to take the higher ground.  I'm not sure I 100% succeeded, but somehow I had peace when I walked away.  I knew God was watching and I knew that He knew where my heart was.  If I'm being honest, I thought I'd have more of a desire to sling insults her way, but I really did not.  I honestly felt sorry for her and her daughter.  Usually, when someone is inclined to be a bully there is something behind it like a need not being met,  unresolved anger, or just no regard for anyone else's rights, feelings or boundaries.  In that moment this woman showed an example to her daughter, that it was okay to insult and disrespect just because you think you are right. She showed her that apologies don't matter and that you can just make up laws because you disagree.  In the end, this was a great teaching opportunity for myself and my kids.  This showed me that I'd grown and improved in the ways I deal with people.  I proved to myself much of what I preach:  You can disagree without hating, you can listen and extend sympathy.  Charity is truly the love of Christ.  Apology and remorse should always matter even if it does not fix everything.  Truth matters above your feelings.  Choosing to take the higher ground is hard and it's taken me some time to get there, but it is most satisfying.  

The teens that choose kindness are heroes to me and my daughter!  Parents are heroes for their kids.  Heroes can't exist unless they first choose to have those heroic characteristics.  They don't have to save someone from death, but be there to listen, be a friend, be an example, uphold what's right even when it's not popular.  Being a hero could simply be standing for the truth or for your beliefs.  A hero can be a quiet person showing quiet kindness and respect.  Sometimes a hero is someone who can admit their mistakes and have the courage to own it and then fix it.  To me, this one is huge and I always strive to be that person.  To be a hero does not mean you never make mistakes, or have endless super power that always works perfectly at the right time.   If this person existed, then they might be a hero.  Most heroes are imperfect though, even Superman in Superman and Lois.  Even Superman is human.  

There is one other who was a God and also human.  He did not make mistakes, he was perfect, and He is the example of what a hero is.  He gave His life for mine and yours.  He saved us from death, sin, and evil.  He broke the bonds of death so that we can live again.  He suffered all the sins, pains, afflictions, and adversities of this world so that we can walk the bridge that His atonement provides, back to a loving Heavenly Father and eternal happiness.  

A wise friend recently said this:

".........Our weaknesses will become strengths as we turn our thoughts and hearts to our Savior and Redeemer. This might not make sense to some, but if you haven't tried asking God to show you your weakness, now is the time to put it to the test. One final thought. If the people of the world would focus on having 'a mighty change of heart' through Christ we would be able to win the war against sin and darkness. Harmony and peace would replace sorrow, wars and contention. We would be able to live peacefully with everyone who are like-minded to be united to be of one mind and one heart. Fear and doubt would be replaced with courage and faith enough to have hope for a better world until the Great Jehovah shall say, 'Well done thou good and faithful servant(s) and disciples.' The Lord loves all of us and wants to bless us as we show our love for him by remaining faithful and endure to the end by keeping him s commandments. Doing so will set us free."

"There is something amazing about making good use of one's time when we learn, grow and inspire others to do good. The time which the Lord has blessed us with, should be used to ponder and reflect on what the meaning of life means to you...such as building a personal relationship with the Savior, having a personal philosophy of life e.g. (Where am I going? Why am I here, What must I do to inherit eternal life ), establishing your hopes and dreams to do good ,and to bring joy and happiness into our family's and other's lives. In essence we are all brothers and sisters embarking on a journey towards eternal life and salvation. Yet our choices will help us choose between a Celestial life or some other life based on disappointment, to put it mildly. There is a sense of belonging when touching lives and it makes us feel we are part of something special in the Universe, as if our Heavenly Parents are waiting and eager to extend a warm welcome home.

Now is the time to unlock our divine potential which must never be wasted on things which bring misery and suffering; by asking ourselves "Does this feel right, "Am I doing the right things by going by the Spirit?", "Is it truth or something else like truth which could cause me to deviate from the covenant path"? The world is hungry for light knowledge and truth. Some just don't know what they are missing out on because I think people get discouraged when they can't seem to get out of life what they put into it which could lead to other kinds of problems. We are not humans having human experiences, rather spiritual beings having human experiences (paraphrased) because when we came here we kept our first estate (see the scriptures, especially the standard works)
In conclusion, God wants us to be happy and to return into his presence if we just open our hearts to become better than yesterday by making good use our time, talents and means toward a much brighter and better future." -Gary Hoover

Great advice and wise words!  May we all become the heroes we wish to see in the world.