Be Our Best

If there's one thing that life never lets me forget, it is the constant reminder that I'll never be "The Best" at anything.  This is not meant to be depressing, but instead a push to be better.  No matter what I set my sights on, I go there only to find there is always someone better at it than me.  There's always someone more beautiful, more talented, more refined, more dedicated, or more able than I.  Isn't it this very thing that creates competition, and nudges us to improve? 

Have you ever been best at something?  Well, I think it's safe to say that this is an ever present lesson in life.  However who defines what's "best"?  Who's the judge in these cases? Is it really just a perception of sorts? Are we the judges of what's "best"? Are we defining what's "best"?  In my mind and in reality, I think, I was never the best pianist, flutist, clarinetist, dancer, singer, performer, artist, baker, decorator, jewelry maker, scientist, student, planner, prepper, cook, leader, delegator, or member of my church.  I could probably go on, but you get the idea!  Do we have to be the best at something to be happy, or to feel accomplished?  The easy answer is NO, of course not.  

I was recently reminded of this life lesson, as if the universe had a cue.  It was right on cue because maybe I had not thought about this in awhile.  The week before Christmas break was busy and crazy.  My son's dance classes were wrapping up and my daughter had a test for her level 1 ice skating class.  She was determined to pass.  We knew what she needed to work on, but I had not been able to take her to practice outside of class time.  Well, long story short, she did not pass.  

There were 2 skills the instructor thought she needed to work on just a bit more.  She responded, "but I know how to skate backwards."  Skating backwards is a level 2 skill, so she thought that might make up for needing work in the other areas.  She was having an off day as well, so that of course didn't help.  At first she was mad.  I could see the steam building up in her little head, but then she was just bummed.  She felt like a loser.  She felt like she was being left behind.  Not all, but some of the kids in her class were going on to level 2 and she was left in the dust.

While my daughter was experiencing all of these emotions, I was transported back to my high school days.  There were so many times when I felt exactly like she was feeling; a total loser.  I told my daughter many stories of when I felt the same way.  What really mattered was not moving on to the next level, but how far she had come.  Her personal improvement was what really mattered.  On the 1st day she could barely stay up on the ice, and now she could skate on the ice.  I told her she should be proud of herself.  Even though she wasn't the best, or didn't pass, she still accomplished something.  

I told her about the time when I felt like the biggest loser.  I was a nerd in high school, but half of my class was, so no big deal. In my class, almost half were in honor society and we had 4 valedictorians.  I'm not even sure how they narrowed it down to 4. Of the people in honor society at least half of them maintained a 4.0 grade point average.  The competition was tight.  I was in the Math and Science club for 3 years.  What does the Math and Science club do, you might ask? They compete with the smartest kids from every school in the state.  The Math and Science Olympiad was held every spring at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah.  

Members of this club studied for the various events in this competition and chose which events they thought they could compete in.  As if regular school work wasn't enough, we wanted more! I can't even remember exactly why I did this club.  I think my math teacher recruited me because I earned A grades in her classes.  She was in charge of this over achiever group.  I never thought of myself as smart enough to be among this crowd, but there I was.  The 1st year I received 3rd place in one event only because I was in the event with a super smart Junior and another super smart senior.  The 2nd year I didn't medal at all.  I was the only one on my team without a medal.  I was last in a pack of very smart people.  I should have still been proud of myself, but I felt like my intellectual abilities all rode on this competition.  I  would only be deemed smart if I had a medal.

As an adult, looking back on that I realize how ridiculous that thinking was.  As an impressionable teenager that already struggled with self esteem in many areas of my life, it made sense that I felt that way.  My senior year I studied my heart out for one event.  This one event was one of maybe 3 events I agreed to compete in.  My partner and I came in 4th place, so we didn't medal, but 4th out of 8 teams was pretty good.  Fourth place was still recognized at the awards ceremony.  This was the only recognition I received that year.  

I was kind of disappointed because the event was in astronomy.  My father was the astronomy professor at the university and I literally took a crash course in his college astronomy class. Everyone knew this and probably expected me to win, but that expectation was probably my own.  Fourth place didn't quite feel good enough, but considering everything I was doing in my life at the time, I decided to be okay with it. If there is anything I've become close to being best at it's probably multitasking.  My dad never said anything negative about it, and he never had any expectations for me, that I was aware of.  On coming home from the competition I found my car in the high school parking lot with a full tank of gas and a bouquet of roses on the front seat. That was a reward in and of itself, and enough for me.  I think I realized from one year of failure to the next that my worth was not actually tied to this win, or any win, nor was my intellectual capability.  Maybe it was growth, maturity blossoming, or I just decided not to care as much.  Somewhere along the way I found my worth, then nothing else mattered.

Just a thought pertaining to the above is another seeming failure of mine.  My ACT score of 19 still got me into college.  It's a good thing colleges like your money, haha!  When I was in school we didn't just learn how to take a test.  We had to take a special class to learn how to take the ACT test.  I do wonder though how someone (me) who gets a low ACT score managed to graduate at the top of my high school class and the top of my college class? I also got a good job and by some standards would be considered successful.  Now everything is about standardized testing.  I'm not criticizing testing in all its forms.  I understand how it's a useful tool, but it's gone overboard!  Congratulations graduate you know how to take a test!  Guess what?  I don't think there are too many jobs that care if you are a good test taker or not!  What's more important is that you know what you need to know to do the job, and that might be determined by taking a test.  Anyway, my standardized test taking ability did not match that of my actual intellect; interesting.  Try explaining that in today's education jungle!  Hopefully the tide is turning a little bit.

The thing about kids is that they are resilient!  My daughter seemed to recover quickly from her perceived failure, and is ready to go back to level 1.  She loves skating and that's really what matters.  I think much of what we feel is failure, is really just the perception of failure.  We are the judges and definers of success and failure.  Success and failure look different for each individual.  Thus our perceptions are influenced by those around us.

There is a profound difference between being THE Best and being OUR Best.  I asked my daughter if she thought she did her best and she said "yes".  Her best was all she could do.  Our best is all we can do.  The downside is that sometimes our best isn't good enough.  In a class like ice skating, it's appropriate to judge someone's personal best as not being good enough.  It's okay to point out that someone needs more practice or needs to work harder.  It's good for kids, teens, and adults to get used to this rather routine lesson.  This is the key to getting better; the key to self improvement.  

How do we make OUR best better? In my experience humility helps.  Life knows all too well how to serve up a slice of good old fashioned humble pie!  Only compare yourself, not to others.  When we can clearly see our own road of improvement it's easier to accept and celebrate the little wins.  It's also easier to see how we can improve our personal best going forward.  If our vision becomes blurred by the sight of too many roads that aren't ours, it's all too easy to get lost and confused.  We might find ourselves taking a path that isn't even ours.  

I think it's important also to realize that improvement is made over small steps and not leaps, or bounds.  Never underestimate the power of small steps.  We have to learn to appreciate the small changes that happen.  Change rarely happens over night.  We have to be patient with ourselves.  It's okay to have lofty goals, but not lofty expectations to get there.  I learned this lesson when I was 7 and wanted to be a great piano player.  I wanted to be good at it, but I didn't realize that it would take so much time and practice to get good at it.  I think at the age of 7 I thought that if I just learned a little, then I could suddenly be really good.  I revisited this lesson later in life when I decided to lose weight.  I couldn't do it overnight.  This goal did not come easily.  It took 9 months of dedication, changing habits, improving diet and nutrition, and consistent exercise to lose 45 pounds.  Ultimately, it was not just a goal to lose weight, but it was an entire lifestyle change.  It was indeed a lofty goal with dramatic results at the end, but it was the little steps that lead to the big change.

It's also important to note that just because you aren't the best at something doesn't mean you can't still be good at it.  Being the best is also subject to each individual.  Ask yourself who the best school teacher was, and then ask your friend who they think was the best school teacher.  There's a high likelihood that you will have different opinions on who was the best teacher.  Both teachers may have been great.  There are in existence, many great singers, actors, authors, mothers, teachers, writers, builders, designers, artists, etc. etc.  All could be considered very good at their craft.  Who's the best? Well, that is subjective.  I hope that 2025 can be a year of focus on being OUR best!