The Culture

In biology "culture" refers to the production of microorganisms in a controlled environment.  In order to multiply a bacteria or other microorganism, one needs to plant the organism in a substance called agar.  Agar is a gelatinous medium that provides nutrients for growth.  Usually when growing a cell culture, the agar plate needs to be incubated at a constant temperature for a certain amount of time.  Growing microorganisms is similar to growing plants.  Microorganisms also play a very specialized and important role in plant growth.  The etymology of the word "culture" goes back to just that: cultivation or rearing of a crop.  Culture very definitively means to promote growth...to tend, guard, till, and cultivate. The meaning of culture as we know it is actually metaphorical, or figurative.  

Culture, in the figurative sense, is meant to nurture, grow, tend to, care for, and cultivate a people. When we cultivate or promote the growth of plants, we want those plants to take root.  The roots are very important.  We would want the plants to have strong roots and roots that are able to spread.  We want seeds to have plenty of water, nutrients, and sunlight.  Sometimes, seeds also need controlled temperature to sprout.  Good soil contains microorganisms that produce gases like nitrogen and oxygen in the soil.  The biology of the soil aids in the healthy growth of the plant and even transfers nutrients to the plant's products.  Proper soil biology can also aid in attracting the right kinds of insects and deterring the wrong kinds of insects.  It can even deter weeds.  It's very interesting that we use the word culture.  It is such an important thing....culture.  Culture impacts our daily life, our past, our present, our future.  It can be both good and bad.  

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about culture and how it has impacted me.  This thinking was actually

one reason that stopped me from continuing with a new idea I had.  After starting a YouTube channel, I discovered it was harder than I thought it would be and that I really did not have time to keep up with it all.  It's an inconvenient truth that the more time I'm on social media the less I like it.....and actually even hate it!  I discovered that my heart just wasn't in it.  I really prefer writing.  Writing is where I can be perfectly precise, and clear.  I can really think long and hard about what I want to put out there in the world.  If I think of something I can just jot it down, so I don't forget.  It's a little harder to stop whatever I'm doing and record myself talking, haha!  

The internet, specifically social media, is like a dysfunctional narcissistic relative!  I don't like throwing around the term "narcissist" because I do think that it has become a trend to just throw that around.  Everyone labels everything and everyone "narcissistic".  The word, or label has little meaning these days.  Along with the diminished meaning comes the minimization of one's experience with real narcissism.  I don't use the term lightly!  It seems with the internet there is little forgiveness, no chance to change, and no chance to explain!  It does not matter what you say or how you say it, you can't EVER change.  In fact, sometimes you don't have to say anything......the internet will tell you what words are in your mouth.  The internet loves to twist up your words, misunderstand and then act like it's all your fault........you are such a terrible person. 

 Don't even think about having an interpretation of any kind because you will be wrong and millions of other interpretations will be correct above yours.  I really don't care what people think of me or my beliefs, but that doesn't mean that I won't ever be hurt or heartbroken by people's words, actions, or choices.  It still has an effect. 

Just the other day I found myself praying for forgiveness for calling a fellow driver an "Asshole" for being extremely rude on the road! Haha!  It's true.....if you ever want to hear me swear just give me a Utah road with Utah drivers.  It won't take long!  So many people come to Utah and rave about how nice everyone is.  I want to ask them if they've had any experience driving on the roads here????  Yeah, everyone is nice until you get out on the road where there is no such thing as common courtesy and no one knows what a blinker is!  "MERGE....What's that???? NO ONE CAN EVER GET IN FRONT OF ME ON THE ROAD.....NEVER!"  I can say with 100% conviction that Utah roads are one big reason I know God is real.  The very fact that I'm not dead yet, is an utter miracle!  Divine intervention is real, guardian angels are real!  I literally pay my tithing because I can't afford not too.....I live in Utah.....with Utah roads.....and Utah drivers.  Every winter in Utah brings a first snowstorm and that first storm brings about hundreds of accidents in one day.  The exact number is usually around 200.  Yep!  This is one thing I've never understood.  All of the Utahns just forget how to drive in the snow and just forget that it's smart to slow down.  They just refuse to slow down.  It.....IS......INSANE!  

You know, sometimes I've asked myself, maybe it's just me?  Maybe I'm the bad driver........but no.  That's not right.  I do slow-down in the snow.  I've only ever been in one minor accident that was my fault and two others that were not my fault. I try very hard to be courteous, let people merge, and yes, use my blinker.  Maybe everyone forgot their blinker fluid.....hahaha!  With warm weather comes endless road construction.  You'd think that Utah doesn't know how to build roads at the rate that they re-do things.  Driving in a sea of orange is a regular thing here.  I really don't want to claim the Utah driving as part of our culture, but it has brought me to God many times, so I'm not sure what I want to claim?  I don't want to think the traffic light delays are part of our culture.  I'm afraid they are though.  Most places probably have a reasonable delay, but Utah has a pretty long delay when the traffic light turns red the other lights don't turn green for a little while.  Too many people love to run red lights.  If you don't floor your gas pedal as soon as it turns green, you will have a road rage situation on your hands.  The number one reason Utahns use their horns is because you don't move fast enough when the light turns green.  It's ridiculous.  The number two reason the horn gets honked is out of anger because you didn't move fast enough......this is after the fact.  As they drive past you, you'll surely get the middle finger and the horn.  Unfortunately, I spend too much time in my car, and I do think that my eventual death might just be on a Utah road.  I hope I'm wrong, but it's a legit possibility.  Considering how much time I spend driving, the odds are not in my favor.

Well, just like the Utah roads can be part of culture and can bring me closer to God, there are other things about Utah culture that can drive people away.  I really hate to admit this, but one reason I had to stop the channel was because I wanted to talk about Utah culture and "Mormon" culture, but I fear that it would come off too negative.  I don't want to contribute to driving people away from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I do feel that I could better do this through the blog.  There are some inconvenient truths about the LDS culture and Utah LDS culture that need to be addressed......or maybe I just need to vent a little.  

For a very large portion of my life, I have NOT attended church with the intent to make friends.  I accept that it is human nature to judge others.  Utah purity culture goes a little beyond that.  I was raised with a lot of rules and expectations many of which I have been grateful, however much of it was driven by dogma.  Along with dogma comes a very black and white environment.  There is no room for exceptions, no room for nuance, or deviation in the slightest.  It was understood that if I messed up, I would not only lose God and His blessings, but I would lose parts of my family.  Yes, that's right, I would essentially be disowned, ostracized, or estranged.  Religious culture, LDS dogma from the 1980s and 1990s did not teach repentance very well.  The teaching I grew up with went against the very teachings at the heart of Christ's gospel.  Purity culture was strict.  It meant that no one could come back if they messed up.  People decided at which point they could come back or not.  It meant that not everyone or even anyone could change.  What happened to us that grew up in that?

Well, many rebelled once they got away from the purity culture that existed in their community or family.  I grew up very sheltered and innocent.  Innocence is something that all children are entitled to.  We owe it to all children to protect their innocence!  I'm very grateful that I had my innocence during my childhood.  When I got to college and beyond that, I was teased and made fun of for being innocent and, as they thought, naive.....Only I don't think I was ever really that naive.  Despite this culture and striving my very best to live the gospel the best I know how, I have still fallen short.  I have failed.  I have not ever really fit the mold.....well the Utah LDS mold.  

I didn't get married "Utah" young.....I was almost 26.....an old maid for sure!  I may as well have been 55.

I didn't serve a mission

I was overweight.....not very Return missionary worthy-wife material

I married a guy from California, haha....Utahns think ALL Californians are crazy! The funniest part....Utahns blame their bad driving on Californians!

I had kids later.  I was almost 30!

I ONLY had 2 kids.

I work full time and have been the main breadwinner.

My daughter is a Tom-boy and loves sports......(that must mean she's trans).

My son is built like a football line-backer but is a ballet dancer.....(that must mean he's gay).

I home school......oh boy that means a lot of things.......we are too political, we are part of some weird prepper cult, we hate schools, we think we are better and smarter than everyone else.

My husband speaks with too much candor....he preaches right out of the Book of Mormon and people have some issue with it.  He's been "reported" to the bishop, or complained about a few times for just standing up for what he believes is right, or for having certain opinions.

I have a strong distaste for doctors and pharmaceuticals.... we don't vaccinate....we are a danger to everyone around us!

We talk about the importance of being prepared.....my husband is the emergency preparedness representative for our ward....when he talks about anything regarding his calling it's too scary!

I work on Sunday every other week, it must mean I'm less active....going inactive.  The first few years we were in our current family ward some members did not even know he was married.

The fact that my husband was a stay-at-home dad must mean he has not been righteous enough or is not fulfilling priesthood responsibilities in order to receive the blessings of a career to provide......even though he is the visitor to the prisoner, the sick, and the widow.  He always shows up, yet he's not righteous because he is not rich.

These are ALL judgements I have contended with that have come from other members of my church.  Everything is so judgmental.  If your faith journey is different, if your doubts are different, if your beliefs are a little different, then you aren't living the gospel correctly.  It's okay, I'm still a member and I've gotten over most of these things.  I won't leave the church over these things because my testimony is rooted in Jesus Christ, the scriptures, and even logic in this belief system.  I accept that people will judge.  I'm always grateful for whatever sense of community that the church can provide me.  The reason I say I don't go to church to make friends is because I had to simplify my life.  I hate being disappointed in people.  I don't want to get close enough to people to be disappointed by them or feel burned by them.  When I distance myself from people, I distance their judgements.  If it sounds like I'm jaded, I AM a little!  It's something I still have to work on.  Overcoming the judgements of others and the misunderstandings or misrepresentations people might place on us is super hard!  I refuse to let that guide and direct my faith and belief.  Since I started going to church only to worship and for no other reason, I have felt more enriched, more peace, and closer to God than I have before.  When I stopped caring about what people think, I've felt a freedom that I never felt before.   

I get why people leave and the whole list of reasons why.  There are a lot of problems within the church.  People are imperfect and people judge wrong.  Even the leaders can make mistakes.  People don't listen.  People don't read, and I would sincerely question how many actually sincerely pray for one another and love one another.  I'll admit, I struggle with that!  I haven't even written about the people who aren't members or who are former members.  I do feel a sense of whiplash between the judgements of members and then the judgements of the non-members. Some non-members act so strange, but I will say that some non-members have actually been somewhat of a refuge for me through friendship.  I'm still not sure if I'm a good parent or a bad one.  Non-members usually think I'm a pretty good parent, but the members not so much.  I do think each group uses very different standards and rubrics to judge me by as a parent.  

One thing I've learned, and was reminded about more recently, is when you start to share your own experience people feel like they have to refute you. It suddenly becomes a contest you realize you didn't sign up for. Whether it be parenting, pregnancy, or faith journey in or out of the church it's all very interesting.  If you are pregnant every woman feels the need to tell you their horror story about how they almost died or lost their baby!  This has always been so strange to me.  When you see a pregnant woman, your first instinct is to scare her with your horror stories????  When I told people I didn't want to have a hospital birth and I wasn't going to use drugs, oh wow, they so much as predicted my death.  I'm still here.....amazing!  When someone bears testimony of what they believe, the first thing you want to do is say, "that wasn't my experience....blah.....blah.....blah"????  When parenting is brought up, again we have horror stories, or the question, "what's your parenting style?"  That question is my favorite!!!  It's another competition to determine who's parenting style is the best.  This part of culture is so strange to me!  I've probably been guilty of doing this myself due to social cues, or learned behavior, but when I was pregnant, I really started noticing this and it really bugged me!  It's as if when your experience is different from someone else's yours must be wrong just because it's different.  

So, how do we change all of these weird things in culture?  A good place to start is introspection.  Look at yourself first.  We have to learn to let go of the pride we each have in ourselves. Learning to accept people for who they are and where they are is also good for cultivating community.  Stop judging and just serve.  Just serve others wherever and whenever you can.  This is hard to do.  I struggle with this as well.  We have to forget ourselves to an extent.  Don't worry about what other people think.  We have to also learn how to let that go.  I'm still not great at this all of the time.  Following the basics of what Jesus taught such as love your neighbor is also good advice.  If you can't love your neighbor as you love yourself yet, then love them as much as you can in the moment.  Have compassion for them and try to understand them.  Trying to understand others is something I have been focused on very intently for a few years.  Listening to people with the intent to understand them instead of the intent to respond to them can be a huge eye opener.  I'm not professing perfection in any of this whatsoever, but these are things I have been working on myself for a while.  Only think positive about others if you can.  If you have to judge people, then make positive judgements.......in other words this might be known as a compliment.

I stay in the church because ultimately it makes me better.  It encourages me to put off the natural man and become like Christ.  We have the perfect example to follow.  I stay in the church because I know I can be better.  I want to be better.  I'm still learning every day of my life what it means to be Christ-like.  Christ is the gardener.  He knows perfectly how to cultivate, tend to, care for, till, and nourish a garden.  Maybe if Christ was truly at the center of our lives, our culture would be better.  I don't think we will ever be able to fully control the culture of the world around us, but we can have some impact on the culture in our homes, churches, local communities, and neighborhoods.  The culture of the world around us always tends to leak into our church culture......I'm not sure if that is always a bad thing though.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints could use a cultural shake up now and again.  Re-evaluation based on new knowledge and some change can be a really good thing on a personal level and an institutional level.  God's restored church on the earth might not change all that much except for the continuation of the restoration, but we the people do change, our hearts change, and I hope that we will change in the direction pointing toward God and not away.  

May we all learn in some way to be better cultivators of people.  I'm always hoping for culture to change in a good way.  You must be the change you want to see in the world.