You get what you pay for
This was me, I was the little sister in this story! Do you know someone who will do ANYTHING to save a buck? That's my sister!
As I have been reminiscing about this gem of a memory I realized how utterly profound it is when applying it to my life. We were attempting to save some money and the car was actually owned by my sister, but other people did not know that. We were in Las Vegas NV and down there it is pretty common to not know your neighbors very well, if at all. Everybody is gone all of the time and people prefer to keep to themselves. Ever hear the saying "Avoid the appearance of evil"? Well in this case we were totally legit in our activities. Good idea, but not executed well!
No matter what you DO, what you are DOING, or HOW you are doing something people are going to judge! No matter how you slice it, we are human and we judge based on what we know or what we see, sometimes without even seeing all of the details! Did I think it was a good idea to take the gas out of the car, NO it was too much work I didn't want to be bothered with it! Did I think it was a good idea to go to the DOLLAR STORE to get a gas siphon? HEAVENS NO!!! What dollar store on earth sells a gas siphon!?! Well it was Las Vegas after all, and I've learned that down there you can find just about anything at a dollar store!
That gas siphon worked just about as well as what it was worth, a dollar! We were not successful, we wasted time and did not save the gas!
Are we quick to judge? Absolutely and sometimes we are the worst judges of ourselves. I remember I started to think we were looking suspicious before anyone actually was looking at us. Sometimes we see what we want to see and we ignore what we don't want to see, especially about ourselves. We all have problems and I bet if we wrote them down and put them in a hat and had everyone draw out someone else's problem, we would choose to take our own back. You never know what's going on behind the facades we all put up.
Growing up in a small town that was predominantly Latter Day Saints, there was a certain attitude targeted at young girls about their looks. I think this attitude is worldly and worldwide not just in the small town Cedar city, LDS community. I was over weight my entire childhood and into my adult years, I mean it wasn't that bad, but I definitely had some body image issues.
It seemed to me that the attitude was "no one will like you or want you if you are fat". Someone once told me that the only reason anyone will want to marry me was for physical reasons, appearance and intimate. So if I was fat, that was unattractive and no one wants that. I did see, on occasion in college that if you were a guy who was attracted to a bigger girl you were made fun of. I guess most guys in that boat would just keep it to themselves, it wasn't something they talked about with other guys. So with that, I was always under the impression that there were no men out there that liked bigger women, it was like a sin if you were fat. I grew up totally self conscious about my body and just accepted that very few, if any guys would like me. No wonder Utah is a leading state for plastic surgery, it wasn't just me feeling that way!
When I entered college I met a guy in one of my classes who was older and very nice, very good looking and kind of shy. Turned out he really liked me. I had no idea how to react or deal with this situation because I convinced myself that what was in my head was truth. It was impossible for a handsome, nice guy to be attracted to me. I did not deserve that, I was fat remember. Fat girls don't deserve cute guys! I spent some time with him and he walked me to class after our class together, we were friends, but when he finally asked me out, I froze I made excuses and ultimately turned him down. It wasn't because I didn't like him, I did, but I was mortified, terrified, and this went against everything I was taught!! He probably had no idea what was really happening inside me and what I was thinking, he probably thought I did not like him. Well, we did remain friends for a few years after that, but never dated.
When I moved up to Salt Lake City after college, to my surprise I saw so many women with different body types find their match and be happily married! I continued to judge because I had not yet discovered my mistake and my toxic way of thinking. "That girl can't be engaged, she is kind of fat, and especially to that guy who is so good looking"! It wasn't until a few years later that I noticed the error of my ways. After having met so many awesome women and having great friendships a thought hit me like a TON OF BRICKS! EVERYONE HAS ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES, EVERYONE HAS GREAT WORTH! I started noticing all the attractive qualities people had and suddenly I did not notice their body type or their weight, which is after all just a number.
Just a number, we are not numbers, we are people, beautiful humans!!!!!! I believe there is a lid for every pot no matter the shape!!
I placed too much value on this attitude when really it was only worth $1. I got what I paid for, there was no worth in any of this thinking. In thinking this way I was trying to save myself some pain or rejection, but really it was destroying who I was and I missed the beauty of being me and I missed the beauty that others saw in me. SAD. I wasted my time and a little of myself!
We can't do this to ourselves! Or to others! It's horrible! You have attractive qualities, you are worth it, you are worth more than the $1 comments and attitudes. If you need to save yourself in some way do not invest in the $1 advice!
I am reminded of one of my favorite children's stories, You Are Special, by Max Lucado. In this story there is a land of Wemmicks. The Wemmicks are wooden dolls created by the woodcarver, Eli. These wemmicks are very judgemental and they would give each other gold stars, if you were liked, and gray dots if you were disliked. Punchinello was one who had many gray dots, the others thought he was ugly and he was disliked. One day he met Lucia who had no dots or stars. He asked her why the dots and stars did not stick to her. She told him that she visited the woodcarver everyday and he should do the same. Punchinello was confused, but he did what she suggested. When he went to the woodcarver, Eli knew him by name and told him how special he was. After a little while the dots and stars did not stick to Punchinello either.
When we turn to the Master daily, we too can see ourselves through His eyes and the judgements we face will not matter anymore. You can't save a soul that is priceless with $1.
The price was paid for all of us and the cost was the life of the only perfect man to walk the face of the earth, the son of God.
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