The Bubble

"Life begins at the end of your Comfort Zone."-Neale Donald Walsch

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?"-Anonymous

"The shell must break before the bird can fly"-Alfred Tennyson

"The comfort zone is the great enemy to creativity; moving beyond it necessitates intuition, which in turn configures new perspectives and conquers fears"-Dan Stevens

"I'm continually trying to make choices that put me against my own comfort zone.  As long as you're uncomfortable, it means you're growing"- Ashton Kutcher

Are you your harshest critic? Are you harder on yourself than anyone else? I think most of us are and I think it is a natural tendency of our human nature. How many times do I look at a creatively decorated cake and say "wow, I can't do that"? I become pleasantly surprised when I actually do try it and it's not a complete failure! This topic came to mind about a month ago when I was thinking about a birthday cake for my son. I was researching designs and themes and I came across some pretty elaborate cakes, which was a little intimidating for me. I always enjoy looking at others' artwork and talents when it comes to cakes, and other things. I noticed that I am always quick to tell myself "I can't do that", "I don't think I'm good enough", "I don't think I am THAT talented!" Despite what other people may say, praises, encouragement, or compliment, I still keep myself in this BUBBLE called the comfort zone. Well, as my son's birthday approached I patterned my cake after the combination of two I found online. My cake did not look like either of the cakes I found, but they were my inspiration. I decided to go out on a limb and try something new. I have seen pictures of a trend in recent years called the geode cake and decided to learn it. I watched YouTube videos and went for it. This was the first time I have ever carved a cake as well. It turned out really well, (pictured above, front and back) maybe my best cake yet! I was really proud of myself and felt accomplished. Was I a little scared to leave behind the comfort zone of what I knew best? Yes, even with a birthday cake. If I messed it up no one would have cared that much, but I would have been embarrassed or felt like a failure. I think fear is the main thing that keeps us in our bubbles, even if it seems insignificant.

The last few weeks I have been in deep thought about all of the times I wanted to stay in my bubble, all of the times I was forced out of it, and all of the times I was brave and willingly stepped out. I must say all of those times were times that I grew, learned something new, gained new perspective, or developed a new talent. I think of all of the things I would have missed out on, all of the things I would have denied myself had I stayed in the safe cocoon of my comfort zone. Everything that challenges the boundaries of my bubble are what truly have made me who I am!

In high school trying out for choir especially the elite one was not something I was necessarily good at and I was really scared! There was a huge risk of failure for me personally on the line. I would have been utterly devastated and crushed had I messed up at choir tryouts. This was the moment that would tell me if I had any musical talent at all, if my voice was good or not, if my hearing talent was any good or not! I'm sure I was not perfect, but after grueling hours at call backs of blending my voice to match the others, I did make it. That hearing talent I possessed that I was always uncomfortable with because it did not fit the mold of a pianist, finally did pay off. I was never good at reading music, but I had a unique talent to hear it and repeat it! My talent was somehow useful now and validated! What an accomplishment that was for me!

Another experience that put pressure on the borders of my bubble was when I was in college.  My friends thought it would be fun to go country line dancing one night, out of boredom. I was never a dancer of any sort, never thought I had much rhythm. I was shy and a person that enjoyed my own space, haha! I'm pretty sure I remember them dragging me kicking and screaming! That just did not seem like fun to me! Look like a total klutz in front of a bunch of people, no thanks, I'll pass!! Well I went, they drug me against my will. I stood around hoping not to dance at all, that I would just be ignored, maybe I could be the lucky wallflower. I quickly found out that there was no such thing as a wallflower at this dancing venue. I was pleasantly surprised to find many other friends and acquaintances from college classes there, that made me a little more comfortable. The people there just took you by the hand and taught you what they knew. Before I knew it I was having tons of fun and learning the dances just fine! A hidden talent I never knew existed was uncovered that night! I continued going every week with friends throughout the rest of my college career. After moving from my home town to Salt Lake City, I found a venue that had the same kind of dancing and started going dancing with some friends. That led me to meet my husband! Who knew that the dancing thing would ultimately lead to the love of my life!?!

While in Salt Lake City, I made many friends and one of those friends learned cake decorating. She decided to have a cake decorating party. I went because I thought it sounded fun, but never planned on being any good at it. It was a little nerve racking to try and be creative in front of a bunch of people, again, risking embarrassment! I discovered after that party that I really enjoyed fondant cake decorating. I began practicing anytime I could. I started trying new techniques and designs and eventually I had the opportunity to do some wedding cakes for friends and family. I don't have that much time to dedicate to it anymore, but I still get the chance on occasion to do a wedding cake or birthday cake. Every time I make a new cake it becomes my "best cake so far"! More important than being good at it, is that I love doing it! It has become a favorite hobby of mine and I often times find myself daydreaming about a cake design I could do or looking up the latest trends and techniques on YouTube or Google.

As life goes on I have come to find out that people are like onions. There are so many layers to a person and you just never know when another layer will peel back to reveal something great! Just the other day I was talking with my husband and he asked me "Does to try mean to fail?" He even referenced Yoda from star wars "Do or do not, there is no try." So, does "to try" imply that you fail? I have thought a lot about this over the last week and I guess I could

see how some people might look at it that way. I can also see that if you do NOT try then that could mean failure. If you refuse to try something then you will never know if you fail at it or not, so to me that would equate to an automatic failure. It's like in college if you miss the test then you automatically get an F on it, but that does not mean you are bad at the subject. It means that you did not take the opportunity to prove yourself one way or the other. When we say "I will try" I think the word TRY implies some level of fear and obviously a lack of confidence because maybe we don't know if we can do a particular task or not. If we try then we are moving out of our comfort zone, if we don't try then we will remain in our bubble along with all of the unknowns!

The word TRY is a very important word, it is an action word and when we use this word we are saying, to some degree, that we are not afraid of failure. We are saying that we are going to take action to do something we have never done before, but we are not sure if we will succeed at the task. This word TRY has doubting undertones and is driven by fear and courage at the same time. This word is halfway in the bubble and halfway out of the bubble. We are still letting our fear hold us back a little, but this word is also what allows us to take a step forward and it gets our foot out of the bubble. Trying and failing are two different things! "Try and fail, but don't fail to try"-John Quincy Adams

Realistically, every accomplishment and every failure begins with decision to try. TRY is a word that hangs in the balance between failure and success. It does not mean failure or success, but the decision in between or the chance in between the two destinations. It truly is the fork in the road. The possibility of success will always be on the outside of the bubble. I am a huge Star Wars fan and I love Yoda, and his quote is wise and right with regard to the context of the movie. There are situations where there is no try. If it is a life and death thing there is probably not time and opportunity for "try". Most people are probably not going to willingly put their life in danger just to try to see if they can save it, it's too risky. The Yoda quote, however, is not that applicable to most things in life, how do you DO something if you haven't first tried it? Doing always begins with trying, it's the first step!

Why are we afraid of failure?  Disappointment, perfectionism, like-ability, embarrassment, all good reasons to be afraid!  It is hard not to be afraid of failure in our world today.  If you went to school you were well trained to fear failure from day one instead of embracing it as a key step in the learning process.  When you did not do something right the first time you probably saw a big red F on your homework or paper.  You probably were not rewarded for just trying, but reward only came when you got it right, thus the fear of failure training!  We should not let failure get us down, we should not view it as this hugely negative thing.  We do view it that way because there has always been this negative reinforcement with getting the wrong answer, whether it was from school, our own selves, or others. The truth is, anyone who has had success has probably experienced failure along the way.  I think failure is something we should welcome with open arms because every time you get something wrong that just means you are closer to getting it right!  I remember math being something really hard for me in middle school, but as I practiced more and kept trying, I improved.  My favorite way to learn was trial and error.  Often times I found myself looking at the answer key in the back of the math book and working backwards.  I knew the destination, now I just had to find the path.  Once I found the right path I remembered it and I also remembered the wrong paths as well.  When you find a wrong path to something, that can be just as valuable as finding the right path.  Once you know which ones are wrong you never have to travel them again!

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-we-all-have-fear-of-failure/

Empower yourself!  Don't be afraid to cross the borders of you own bubble!  Don't be afraid of failure!